Where am I

Behind a computer, meeting impossible deadlines and studying, in between changing dirty nappies and sterilizing bottles....yes all very exciting I know. But I will leave you with some photos of my gorgeous son.

New Lists

Last year I did a list 23 before 24 and not failed but just didn't succeed in many of them. I could give you a thousand excuses of why, like it was a year from hell, I hated life, um or some other true but depressing excuse but I am not going to. I am just going to do a new list.

24 Things to do before I'm 25

1. Get a drivers license!
2. Do a Photography course.
3. Do the Soweto 10km run in November.
4. Make Eleventh Hour successful.
5. Do the Magaliesburg  Canopy Tours.
6. Do the  train ride  to Magaliesburg (separate trips)
7. Keep smiling, everyday.
8. Take Aiden to the beach.
9. Meet Dreamscaper.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Let go of the sides when I ice-skate.
12. Bake unburnt cookies.
13. Throw Aiden the most gorgeous first birthday.
14. Learn how to tie my shoelaces.
15. Become more forgiving.
16. Go on a roller-coaster.
17. Make lots of dresses out of the tons of fabric I have.
18. Kiss someone when the clock strikes 12 on New Years.
19. Drink way to much with Claire & Kay Van Dyk.
20. Become a regular volunteer at a charity organisation.
21. Dance in the rain. (Corny maybe but have you done it)
22. Go camping.
23. Stop smoking.
24. Have one hell of a 25th Birthday (it counts as a big one right?)

Some good things

Life has been really crappy for a while now, sometimes I try recall someone in my family breaking a mirror or something because it's been a few years now. Every time we get over one tragedy or at least learn how to manage it, another lemon gets thrown at us and hits us slap bang in the middle of our forehead.

I was in a really dark place a few weeks ago, I was crying all the time, and at everything. You know those unexplained tears when you pregnant, exactly like those, except I'm not pregnant.

I was driving with my mom and we listed all the bad things that have happened over the last two years, the list was long, very long. It made me stop though and think why are we listing the bad things, we should be focusing on the good things.

So here's a list of good things, great things, things I am focusing on.

1. I have a beautiful, healthy and happy son (this could start and finish every list)
2. I am doing a Digital Marketing course through Quirk Education
3. Mine and my mom's business is being registered and the name has been approved so Eleventh Hour is almost up and running.
4. A great brand has contacted me about my blog.
5. A very kind lady that follows my blog and we talk on twitter bought me a year subscription to 'Your Baby' magazine.
6. We just got in our first job for our business.
7. My granny is still in remission.
8. I have signed up for a 10km Marathon in November.

Okay I now it's not a very long list and I could write a killer list of all the shit in my life and what's happened but I am trying here. Baby steps. 

A really BIG... "If"

If I ever find a decent man, so far my 3 biggest relationships have been with a drug dealer, a soul mate turned drug addict and then of course the infamous womaniser and liar. So we talking a big IF here, when I say this is what I'll wear one day at my wedding, of course my own design and my own twist but this I love, love, love. If you have never looked at Rock n Roll bride's blog, you really should. She is amazing, so amazing she turned blogging into a career.... who said I'll never do pretty and fluffy on my blog. I told you it would come some day, I do still dream you know.

I love clothes!

I know all woman love clothes and most of us have a shopping problem, so the statement I love clothes is lost and is so over used. I truly love clothes though, I love the history of clothes and textile theory on where they come from and how they are made. I love pattern construction and learning how to make the best cut for a woman's body.

I love how they make you feel and they can turn you into anybody you want to be. I studied fashion not for the glits and glam, not because it's what everybody else wanted to study I did it because it seems to be a part of my soul, it's my passion, it was my dream.

I've been thinking a lot about my dreams lately, what I always wanted, what I always saw myself doing and achieving. I've been thinking about my future and what is going to happen once I'm through this pregnancy. It's all I've been focusing on. It's all I've allowed myself to see and be.

I some how chose to let all this stop me and kill my dreams instead of letting it inspire and drive me. I've given up. I've given up on me. I go through each day with a fake smile on my face, pretending to be okay, pretending that I'm happy. I fill each day with things to do and organise and I dread being alone because then I actually have to think about things.

I found pictures of my range the other day again, I fell in love with them all over again. I was heart broken that I let that fire die out. I am sad that I've given up when I have so much still to do and conquere.

This is my heart, this is where I show my emotions. This is where you can find the real me, where I'll show you my soul and give you all the answers. Here in my clothes. In my creations.

Going to make and Print these.