What I Love

So this year I joined the Blogger Secret Santa and we've been asked to do a post on what we love. You still have time to join us and you don't have to be a blogger and it will be fun and who doesn't love getting presents and giving presents and waiting for presents and and and...you only really need one reason, it's Christmas, get into the spirit already!

What I LOVE

• BIRDS, not real live birds, I'm not sure why, this obsession filled my heart a few years ago and my collection is growing.

• HEARTS, all you need is love right.

• Tea, we don't have family braai's we have family tea's thus my love for tea pots

• Strange love for stationery

• Anything old or looks old, your crap is probably my treasure

My favourite colour is green or silver, I love to write and always have space for another journal, I'm photo crazy and scrapbook every moment of life, I'm very feminine, love florals and lace, costume jewellery is the best but I don't wear earrings and you can always style kitsch into something worthy. 

Sleep Training, take 104!

Isn't my boy just so beautiful when he sleeps, 

He has an internal clock during the day when it comes to naps, by 8.30am he sleeps for an hour/hour and a half and again at 1.30 he sleeps for about 45 minutes. 

I am lucky when it comes to A being able to sleep anywhere, he doesn't need a cot or a pram, he will just sleep when he is tired, on anything, no matter where we are, how many people are around or what sweets he's eaten, he will just pass out and has a deep, motionless and quiet sleep.

Then night comes and I don't know, my beautiful sleeping boy flies out the window and I am left with a little monster. He is 10 months old and still wakes every 2 hours. I have been co-sleeping since he was born, at first it was easy for me and then I being just as attached as A and it was easier to just turn over put his bottle in his mouth and slowly but surely it became a nightmare.

His bedtime kept moving up and some nights I still had a bouncing baby at 10pm and he became a very unsettled sleeper, always moving, kicking, punching and MOANING all night long. This on top of the fact that I have to sleep facing him and cuddling with him else he throws himself onto my back. I was left feeling more exhausted and more irritated and feeling like I just wasn't cut out for this. I was at my last straw and then he started this weird zombie thing, he will sit up, now I'm never sure if he is awake or not, he will swing back and forth and then pass out in one direction, 3 seconds later, he'll sit up, swing back and forth, then pass out in another direction. He does this for an hour!

I couldn't do it any more.

So I reached out to a lady I know was an expert at getting kids to sleep, Michelle Kemp wrote me a post last week, Help your baby sleep right now, the sensible way. With a guide on how to get your baby to sleep.

I started that night, I went all out and even moved A's cot into his own room. 

At 7pm I gave A a bottle put him in his cot and when he was finished with his bottle, I left the room.

The guide said 20 minutes, I lasted 10 minutes of A's crying and went in and patted his back and that was it he was asleep. 

Next day, 3 minutes of crying and he just went to sleep on his own.

A week later he goes to sleep either straight away or he sits quietly till passes out.

He doesn't sleep through, he still wakes every 2-3 hours, still need to figure this part out, I probably should ignore his cries coz he wakes for nothing but because he is used to space he sometimes lands in weird positions so I am nervous about it. Some nights he lands up in my bed at 4am when it's been a long night of wake ups but in general he is in his cot and in his own room.

This being a miracle. From 7pm I have free time, for me to get what I need done or just SIT around, have a long bath, paint my nails or catch up on my blogs.

I am still sleep deprived and I am going to start working on some how getting him to sleep through but I have a few extra hours an evening to myself and I don't wake to every groan and foot in my rib.

You can buy Michelle Kemp's book Two weeks to sleep over at Amazon, her method worked for me so far and had big changes in 2 days. If you do read it please let me know if it worked for you and any comments you have.

A little late but had to share

Last week Saturday a lot of Mommy Bloggers and readers got to attend the Johannesburg Huggies Momville Launch, it was a lovely day filled with catching up with old friends, meeting new faces and spending time with our little monsters.

The food was indulgent and never stopped coming and coming and coming, the weather was perfect and company was great. I don't want to spill to much as the last one is happening this Saturday in Cape Town and all the wonderful moms who are attending are in for a real treat.

It was all to launch the Huggies Momville website, where pregnant and new moms can find useful info and advice from professionals and moms a like, a community to connect with mom, a platform for mom's to share their stories and a bubble filled with needed advice and information.

 

Calling all Joburg Mompreneurs

I write for Mommy Matters once a week, they are online parenting and lifestyle magazine that sheds light on the many facets of womanhood, motherhood and livelihood. It has a special interest in moms personal & professional development and run regular workshop and events to ensure that as mothers we are living lives that motivate and excite us. 

I have been watching in pure jealousy on this one event that they have held in Cape Town a few times and been hoping they would do one up here and now they are! Excitement! I have already booked a ticket for my mom and I.

It is a networking breakfast for all you mompreneurs, it's on the 26 September at Grand Central cafe', Melrose Arch. It includes a yummy breakfast and an informative and inspirational talk by Life Coach, Kamani Reddy. So with great food and great moms around you and lots of prizes to win, there is no reason not to go.

Price: R200
Time: 9.30-12.00
Email: Kathy@mommymatters.co.za
(P.S: Johannesburg Mompreneurs Networking Breakfast. We do also run these events in CPT, so we just need to be sure which event you wish to attend, and allocate your seat accordingly)

Help Your Baby Sleep Right Now the Sensible Way

 Help Your Baby Sleep Right Now the Sensible Way

Michelle Kemp is the Author of Two Weeks to Sleep - A Sensible Guide for First Time Parents and Blogger for www.onenormalfamily.com. Michelle is married to James and Mum of Max (17 months).

I believe that you must have certain foundations in place to be able to live the life you want to live. One of those foundations is a good nights sleep. We are able to survive on little sleep for a short period of time but we can’t function on this for long. After a couple of months sleep deprivation catches up with us and can cause problems such as memory and energy loss.

When a new baby joins a family everyone expects to forgo sleep for a little while. Newborn babies need to wake regularly to feed as they have very small stomachs. When a baby comes into your life you have to be realistic and live with broken sleep for a short period of time. There comes a point though when you have to claim your sleep back.  If you don’t do this you will stumble through life for the next several years in a hazy fog. It’s not just us parents who suffer due to lack of sleep. Your baby needs a certain amount to grow, develop and enjoy life. 

Below are four basic principles that will help you guide your baby into becoming a good sleeper. These four basic principles are: treat day as day and night as night, observe your baby, help your baby to self-settle and follow a routine. 

Parent and baby learning together

 Treat Day as Day and Night as Night

As soon as your baby is born you can start to show him the difference between day and night. During the day keep the house light and airy. Engage your baby and go out for walks or trips out together. During the night make sure the room he is sleeping in is dark and quiet. Use a night light when feeding your baby and keep diaper changes minimal. If you need to speak in the room he is sleeping in then do it as quietly as possible. Evening life should be able to go on in the rest of your home and your baby should be fine with a low hum of background noise. Just make sure that whoever enters the room your baby is sleeping in to tend to him at night follows the night-time guidelines.

Observe your Baby

Most parents feel pretty nervous when they bring a new baby home. You now have this small defenceless little person to look after. Her health, her happiness; well actually her everything rests in your hands. You are unsure of what to do and don’t speak her language. You have just met her and now you have to do everything for her and get it right. So of course every time she makes even the smallest sound while she sleeps you are leaning over her making sure she is ok. If she doesn’t make any noise for 5 minutes you are checking to make sure she is breathing. When she cries you quickly pick her up and try to fix whatever is wrong. It is totally natural to feel this way. We have all been there.

Now take a deep breath and stop. Next time your baby wakes up and cries stay where you are and listen. What is she trying to tell you? Is she actually communicating with you at all or is she just annoyed because she woke up and now wants to go back to sleep? Babies sleep in shorter cycles than adults. Adults go through 1 hour 30 minute cycles where as babies go through 45 minute to 1 hour cycles. These cycles increase in length from 3 months old. Our sleep cycle starts with drowsiness to light sleep. Then moves to deep sleep followed by REM (dream sleep). Once we pass through REM we move back into deep sleep, and light sleep and then we may wake. It is at this point that a baby may cry because she wants to go back to sleep but can’t.

One of the best things a parent can do for their baby is take the time to learn her language. We all have the ability to do this but we wont learn a thing if we just react without listening and thinking. By learning your baby’s language you will gain her trust. She will feel secure in knowing that you will respond to her correctly or leave her alone when she wants to be left alone.

Babies use two types of cries. One is an emotional cry and the other is a protest cry. You must respond to an emotional cry. A baby will use this if she is hungry, uncomfortable due to a wet or soiled diaper or is too cold or hot, in pain or has had a fright. An emotional cry sounds urgent, is a constant pitch and is continuous. You do not always need to respond to a protest cry. A baby usually uses this when she is fighting sleep. Babies will often protest cry for a little while when you put them down for a nap or at bedtime. They do this if they need to let off a bit steam before going to sleep. A protest cry varies in pitch and is not continuous. The gaps between crying get longer before they nod off. The thing with a protest cry that can throw you a bit is sometimes they can let out a few big loud cries. You still don’t need to respond to this if this all it is. This is actually a good thing as babies often do this right before they go to sleep. If the crying changes to emotional at anytime you need to respond.

Next time your baby cries during a nap or during the night don’t rush straight to her. Stop and listen. Is it an emotional cry or is it a protest cry? If it is an emotional cry go to her. Having a routine in place will help you work out what it is she needs as if she is due a feed soon then you know that she is most likely crying because she is hungry. If she is protest crying and she is not due to get up from her nap or its too early to start the day then give her a chance to put herself back to sleep. 

The table below shows the minimum amount of time you must let your baby protest cry for before going to her. If you go in before this time then you are possibly stopping her from going back to sleep and you are not letting her learn to self-settle. The age range 0 – 2 months has not been included in the table as it is difficult for a parent of a newborn to fully understand their baby’s cries. If your baby is below 2 months old then you should focus on learning your baby’s language. Once you are confident that you know the difference between an emotional and a protest cry then allow a couple of minutes before responding to a protest cry.

It is important to observe your baby when she is awake too. Watch for signs from your baby as to when she is getting tired. These signs can include yawning, eye rubbing, thumb or hand sucking,some babies even become over active. By observing your baby you will know when it’s time to put her down for a nap. It is harder for babies to self-settle if they are over tired.

Help your Baby to Self-Settle

Instead of using quick fix sleep aids you need to help your baby learn how to self-settle. This will involve some hard work on your part but always remember that you are providing your baby with a lifelong skill. There are some key things you must always stick to when helping your baby learn this skill. Firstly always put your baby down in her cot still awake and once you have got her bedding sorted leave the room. Stick to the minimum amount of time to let your baby protest cry outlined in the table above. Make sure you have a timer or clock handy, as it is very easy to convince to yourself that the time is up when it's not. You are timing her continuous crying so if she pauses for more than 10 seconds you need to start timing again. Don’t spend the time hovering outside the door. Use the time to do something for yourself. Just make sure you can hear your baby so you can time the protesting and so you can check to make sure the crying has not become emotional.

If your baby is still protesting after the minimum amount of time outlined in the table above. You can either leave her for a bit longer if you think she might just about be drifting off or you can go into the room she is sleeping in. When you go in do not look at her or engage her in anyway. I recommend keeping a lightweight chair in the room your baby is sleeping in or bring one in with you. You are going to need one as you are now in for the long haul. When you decide to enter the room your baby is in you must be committed to helping her self-settle.

If your baby is not able to stand then pull the chair up to her cot or crib. Do not speak to her or give her eye contact. Just gently rub or pat her tummy in a repetitive motion. The idea with this is that you are telling her that she is not coming out as it is time to sleep but you are with her. Keep rubbing her tummy until she falls asleep. Once she is asleep leave the room.

If after 20 minutes of rubbing her tummy your baby is still protesting you can either keep going or you can take a break. This break is for you rather than for your baby as you may be getting a sore arm by now or feeling frazzled. If you need a break then get her up for 10 minutes but try to keep this as quiet and calm as possible. After 10 minutes put her back into her cot and leave the room. Repeat the waiting process above and if she is still not asleep then go back in and repeat the self-settling process.

If your baby is able to rollover both ways and now prefers to sleep on her tummy then gently and repetitively rub or pat her back. Most babies are able to roll from tummy to back first. Once your baby is able to roll both ways you can leave her sleeping on her tummy as you know that she now has the strength to correct herself or that this may now be her preferred sleeping position. Our son learnt to roll the other way round first. So he would roll onto his tummy and look very pleased with himself and then cry, as he wanted to go onto his back again. He would do this during the night too and it lasted for a couple of weeks until he was able to roll both ways. We responded to this cry as an emotional cry and went straight to him and gently flipped him onto his back. He would go straight back to sleep most times but a couple of times we used the self-settling method as his crying had changed from emotional to protesting.

Babies who can stand need to be taught to self-settle differently. Once your baby is able to stand in her cot it is very important that you lower it so that she doesn’t fall out. The first part of this method is the same so put her down in her cot awake and on her back. If she stays on her back then leave the room and wait the minimum time outlined in the table above. If she stands up then gently put her back down on her back and try not to engage her. Keep doing this each time she stands up. Do it up to 12 times if she keeps standing and after the 12^th time leave the room. Then wait the minimum time outlined in the table above and repeat the process if you need to. Keep doing this until she goes to sleep. The idea of this method is that you are showing her what you want her to do. If you are consistent with this method she will learn and she will put herself to sleep.

In order for babies to learn to self-settle and sleep independently they need to sleep in their own crib or cot. I do not recommend that your baby sleeps in your bed.

Make sure you burp your baby properly after each breastfeed or formula feed until she is able to do it herself. Babies who have not been burped properly can often have trouble settling to sleep, as they are uncomfortable. 

NOTE: Remember that when babies protest cry they can let out a few big loud cries. Don’t respond to this straight away, as your baby may just be about to go to sleep.

Follow a Routine

Babies thrive on routine. When a baby is established on a routine he feels secure. He knows that he will be fed regularly, and will be given opportunities to get enough sleep; there will be time for playing and exploring and time for relaxing. As your baby grows up his routine will need to adapt with him. He will be able to go longer between feeds and naps. His overall naptime needs to be slowly reduced during the day so that the length of time he sleeps at night increases. This is a bit of a balancing act, as he will need enough naps during the day to keep him refreshed so he has energy to explore and play. Enough daytime sleep also helps with night-time sleep as this means he will not be over tired when you put him to bed. Babies do not settle well when they are overtired.

You need to feed your baby enough during the day so that when he is ready to sleep through the night he can, as he doesn’t need to wake to be fed. The routines in my book provide the right number of feeds and / or solid meals a day. The amount your baby takes at each feed or solid meal will vary. Babies instinctively know how much they need to eat so let your baby guide you on this. Some days he will not want much at all and this often happens when babies are teething. If he is going through a growth spurt you will be amazed at how much he can put away. 

You need to make sure your baby has opportunities to engage in some age appropriate activities during the day and also ensure that there is some quiet time so that he can relax if he wants to. 

Max laughing with his Daddy during activity time

Please feel free to leave comments as I am more than happy to answer any questions you may have.

It's become so ugly

When I started blogging I didn't even know there where Mommy Bloggers or Mommy Forums or an army of mommy's on Twitter. I got knocked up and having written journals my whole life, I started and online one to help keep me sane. I was anonymous in the beginning, until I came to terms with what was going on and I entered the world that I once loved but at the moment I feel like I have to walk on egg shells, have to watch what I say and actually stress about not the critics or readers but actually of fellow bloggers and tweeters. Not just any bloggers or tweeters, but fellow mothers!

When did this all become so ugly.

When did it become one big competition.

When did it matter who had the highest stats or what peoples stats even were.

When did we start sub-tweeting each other and pushing one another down.

When did we start bullying people like we are in high school.

Why are there mean girls and name calling.

Why do we care who has what sponsors or what giveaways or what reviews, because it's all one big circle and we all benefit from it because if we not giving it away, we stand a chance of winning it somewhere else and we get info on new products, I am proud and happy for other bloggers when they succeed or get another deal because I read peoples stories and I care whether they are happy.

The last while all I have seen is little digs from people left, right and center, attacking one another and I just can't justify it in my mind.

I can't see what you gain from being nasty or bringing someone down. I don't see what you could get at all, really I can't understand it.

We as "Mommy bloggers" or what ever you want to call yourselves it's just a name, we created this world we spend so much time in, we created a place to be ourselves in and a place where we can get support and information and also a place where we can build lasting friendship, why on earth would we then go and sabbotage it, with in the only way to put it, childish bullshit!

Blogger Secret Santa

I LOVE CHRISTMAS! I love putting up the tree, I love the probably fake happiness, I love the lights, I love the shopping, I love the food, I love the family time, I love the colour scheme, I love the little red santa hats, I love the lists, I love the love and I love the presents.

Last year MommyToes came up with the idea of doing a Blogger Secret Santa, I unfortunately missed it as I had just had Aiden but this year I am in and so looking forward to spoiling someone this year and it's all thanks to Charlotte from The Stiletto Mum for organising it this year.

Here's how it works

Guidelines:

· All names must be entered by 16 November 2012.

· Charlotte will email you your person by 21 November 2012.

· It’s a secret, the person you’re buying for may not be buying for you so be nice or you may get coal.

· Gifts must be under the value of R100 (pre postage) if you want to spend more feel free, but if about the love that goes into the gift rather than the price.

· If you are no longer able to participate let Charlotte know asap.

· Charlotte will list all blogs involved as I receive them – last year we even had 2 non-bloggers.

· Anther cute thing we did last year was a post about the things you like so that your Santa can get an idea of who you are (http://thestilettomum.wordpress.com/2011/11/29/dear-santa/). As soon as you have joined and did the post, email Charlotte the link to set up for you.

Email c.l.coetzee at gmail dot com if you want to join in.

SHARE this everywhere… Twitter hashtag #blogsecretsanta

Love me or Hate me

I'm here, it's open and it's public, not everyone will agree with me and that's okay. I am good at brushing this off and moving on and I am not one who is big on others opinions any ways, however last week I was personally attacked and accused of abusing A and neglecting him because of my Bad Mommy Moments post, it got to me for a whole 24 hours and then I sat back and laughed my ass off because the accusation was and is ridiculous!

I was going to respond and explain myself and then thought screw it, for a crazy moment thought maybe I am too honest here on my little blog and realised what the hell am I going to talk about if not the truth, and then I realised it doesn't matter.

Thank you for all the support and lovely people who sent me words of encouragement and laughter.

The lovely Chantel over at Toppie se Vrou did a post, Dear Beverley.

Oh and the notorious Pickles at A Bullet Laced with Anger wrote this extraordinary piece and sent it to me on the day, From there to hear, my notoriety and more.

New Neighbours, New Friends and Sunshine to bring it all together

This past weekend summer arrived and I couldn't be happier, although not prepared and rushing to stores to buy A some summer gear and not quite ready to brave little summer pieces myself, we started off our summer life at Horwoods Farm, Edenvale for little Alexander's birthday. Tamiya and her family have just moved up the road from us and we so excited to have these special people so close to us, new friends for A, awesome company for me, play dates and tea on invisible couches is what we have planned.

Momville

The wonderful people over at  Huggies Momville  asked me to do another post for them. It's up and it's honest and all about what I wish people would of told me when I had a bun in the oven. Follow this link to What they don't tell you

Ella Belle Giveaway!

I love being able to give pretty things to you lovely ladies. Last week I did a post on Ella Belle and all their amazing goodies. Now I get to give away not one but two gifts. Yay! I love this product because I can't get Aiden to wear shoes and they off within 5 seconds and he's left in his socks, which are always so ugly no matter where you look, well Ella Belle solves that dilemma with their gorgeous socks for babies and toddlers.

We'll be giving away two box sets, one to a precious boy and one to your little princess, sizes 0-12 months.

It's as easy as 1,2,3 to enter and stand a chance to win.

1. Comment on this blog post or if you struggle to do so, pop me an email at jmckaydesigns@gmail.com and I'll add your entry.
2. Go and like Ella Belle's  Facebook Page
3. If you tweet this win or share it on Facebook you get an extra entry.

Competition ends next week Wednesday, wishing you all luck!

Always Honoured

There's this little award going around "Thanks for Writing" and the lovely Sharon from The Blessed Barrenness nominated me. I often feel like a little kid amongst a truly spectacular group of successful and accomplished woman and I'm often taken a back by the fact that they read my blog at all and then still say things like they have 'respect' for me, makes me smile and cry because most of the time I'm completely failing at this whole parenting thing. Every time Celeste from Reluctant Mom comments on a post I almost fall off my chair, to me she is like the 'coolest' kid in class and she actually see's me. (I was a nerd at school if you haven't gathered). Then Nicki from One of the Boys sends words of wisdom or strength, and I'm so embarrassed because she must be the nicest and most positive lady around and here I am always falling flat on my face time and time again. Okay enough rambling, on with the award.

7 Things you don't know about me:

1. I hate socks, they make me feel like my feet are suffocating, I don't care how cold it is, I hardly ever wear them, actually I'm hardly in closed shoes as well, I'm a pumps and heels kind of girl.
2. It's best not to talk to me or ask me to do anything for at least an hour when I wake up, I do bite!
3. I am a procrastinator, I always get the job done, I work well under pressure, I love the feeling of tight deadlines but I procrastinate.
4. If I had the capital, I would run probably a few business's, to many ideas, to little time and money.
5. I just opened my first Pty Ltd, yes I'm proud of having a registered company, makes me feel all formal, it's called  Eleventh Hour, ever need a design, photoshoot, catalogues or just about anything. I'm your girl.
6. I'm naturally a blonde.
7. I'm cute on the outside and a bitch on the inside.

My blogs I love

I know a lot of ladies have already been nominated, like Celeste and Nicki so I would nominate them normally and Sharon would of also gotten a nomination, just putting it out there so they know I have lots of admiration and respect for them, others include:

Diaries of a white mother raising a black baby - I only discovered Melinda's blog a few months ago and it's turned into one I check on a daily basis. She is so funny and so strong, I wouldn't mind being like her when I grow up.

Remember When - I actually don't know how a person can be so nice and kind! I think Fiona was one of my first readers and I've been following her ever since I started. Surprisingly she still reads my blog and still comments and gives the best words of comfort, if I was her I would of thought this chick is crazy and blocked me. She's more than a blogger to me, I am proud to call her a friend.

.sea.ess.em.jay - Catherine gives me hope, hope that I will be okay and hope that love exists even for single mama's.

Our next big adventure - Shannon has one of the cutest babies, we also both co-sleeping parents, our kids often are doing the same crazy things or mine does them and she assures me Aiden is perfectly normal.

Spirited Mama - Also a new one on my blog roll, also one I check everyday, very funny and very honest, also such a 'nice' person, I think God skipped me in the nice department and gave others extra!

I would carry on but I know all the other ladies I would nominate already have been, have a look at my blog roll if you looking for new and awesome mommy bloggers.

Now here’s what you do and if other bloggers wish to pick this up and pass it along, here is a quick should-do list:

1. Include the award logo in your post or on your blog

2. Say 7 random things about yourself that the readers don’t know yet

3.  Nominate 5 – 10 other blogs you usually follow

4. Let the nominees know that they are nominated & include their blog-links

5. Link the person who nominated you

Mommy Matters

As you can see I am a bit behind with most things and struggling to catch up and not loose my balance. My Mommy Matters post was up yesterday already, it's all about my lack of sleep and me slowly loosing my mind - Need My Beauty Sleep.

My First Time

For those of you with a dirty mind, this is not that kind of blog and I'm sure some ladies would recommend '50 Shades of Grey' for that kind of reading.

I'm talking about my first time of feeling like I'm walking on heaven, my first time of having all my knots and muscles relaxed, my first time being pampered, my first time having an hour and thirty minutes to myself, for myself since Aiden was born, my first full hot stone full body massage.

And oh how it was wonderful.

Melinda over at Diaries of a white mother raising a black baby  organised a few mommy bloggers to get a treatment from the miracle worker Tracy , we could choose what we wanted and being a newbee I went for an normal massage. Tracy offers so many amazing treatments and all look fascinating and I will be going back for a few. Sharon from The Blessed Barrenness  got the Antaneea colour therapy one, I wanted to go for it but wasn't up to dealing with my emotional baggage just yet but it's definitely on my to do list.

Go have a look at her website and do yourself a favour book one, my mom is going for Reiki soon, I'll let you know how it goes.

Best advice I got when pregnant, "you can't look after your baby, if you don't look after you!" 

Mommy Matters

It's Wednesday again, half way through the week, my favourite day, my post on Mommy Matters is up, go over and read about my moment of Barney madness, Purple and Green don't even go together and last weeks one all about how I see single motherhood, Just you and I. There are a few other amazing mommy bloggers writing over there so look around and indulge a bit!

From a man's heart

A part of me, Apart of me

Francois Van Rhyn

Over the past few months, I'vebeen following this young mother's blog. I've tried to see the problems she faces and I've tried to understand them. You see, I myself am not a father and I have no idea of any of the logistical requirements of parenthood. I'm honest, I don't even know my powdered milk from baby milk. To me, it's the same thing really, but in reality a vast difference exists.

You see the thing is, I think I'm falling for a single mother, and the only thing that's been racing through my mind is the daunting experience that is fatherhood. Most would say I'm jumping the gun a little, but in reality, it is something one has to give a well deserved amount of thought to when entering a relationship with a single parent. This isn't the type of person you get involved with justbecause she's smart,sexy and funny. You can't simply waltz in and out of a single parents life. The psychological and emotional aspects have to be addressed and keeping her child in mind is the most important thing. What type of example will be set? How long is long enough to see each other before you expose them to your child?

This got me thinking, so I hada look at our situation and realized there are  various other things that need to be considered. 

She's a mother to a beautiful young boy. They come together as a single unit. I can't have one without the other. I can't have romantic dinners without dirty nappies. At the beginning, yeah sure. But what if things get really serious? What then?

Well, then you do like my father said to me. “Son, best you cowboy the fuck up and stand by your decision because life isn't a game and you can't always run away when times get tough. That's a woman with a heart, you hold it, don't break it. Or I might have to break you” Thanks Pops.

So how does someone like me prepare for parenthood? I can hardly look after myself and here I am considering the possibility of being a dad. The largest portion of my thoughts have been centred around her child. Even though at this point I'm more than ready to accept the responsibilities of fatherhood, I have to keep a very important thing in mind.

He has a dad. And no matter how much I try, I will never be his father. This leaves me with more questions than answers, time and time again. I can try to be the main character in his life, but I’ll mostly play a supporting role. I'd be supporting her in making the right decisions for him. Or so I hope at least.

And alot of what I've been talking about is revolving around a young child. The scenario is vastly different when you have an older child in play. Would they accept me? If they have a father, would theylook at me as trying to replace their father? It changes again when dealing with a child when there was an absent father. Then me coming into their mother's life could be seen as trying to take away their mothers love. It's hard, try as you might to keep everyone happy, it isn't always possible...

Look, I don't have the answers. And it's not like I can go; "Hey Google, sort a brother out, yo" because there is no manual for this. Some of the other questions I've found myself asking; Will I be able to accept and love him as my own? If things even go so far as us having a child together, would I love our child more than him? Would I play favour to my child over their child? Would the child accept me?

My thoughts and feelings are valid. The thing to remember is, to a mother, her child is everything. That someone may not love that child is inconceivable. But, I shouldn't ever question whether or not I can love someone else's child. That should be a given. Even if I'm a man, I am capable of love. The mommy? Well, she's a lady too and there has to be that desire to scrum her mindlessly, otherwise it's a lost cause.

I wish it was as easy as the movies make it seem sometimes. But lifes not simple, all I can do is try. Try to convince her that I'm in it for the long run. That I'm not going to pack my bags when it gets tough. That I'm there to support her, whether she's ready to accept it or not.  The rest? Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there, I suppose.

Peace.

Mommy Matters

It's Wednesday already, I can't believe it. I am as sick as a dog, not sure if it's food poisoning or a tummy flu. So while I recover from who knows what, head over to  Mommy Matters and read my latest post - 

And then you were there it's all about how little Aiden came storming into this world we call life.