I love checking what words people type in and then come across my blog. A few months ago I wrote a post with the title "Fuck it" and every month those two words bring in a lot of traffic to my blog, in one day 40 viewers. I can just imagine the perverts face expecting to find some interesting porn landing on my preggy/mommy blog that started all from some peophol knocking me up. I can see there look of frustration now, why this makes me smile I don't really know but it does.
I don't think can you can really explain the love you have for you're child to people who don't have children. I certainly didn't even come close to understanding before I had Aiden. It grows more and more everyday and I fall in love with him every morning when I wake up and look at his perfect face.
Yesterday we did a round about of doctors and hospitals. It was awful. Aiden cried. I cried. Surprisingly my mom didn't cry, I say surprisingly because she sobbed at Aiden's vaccinations.
He has this bump above his eye, I thought it was just a mosquito bite but 3 weeks later and it is still there and it feels like he's growing a little alien under his skin.
We went to my GP, why a GP, because pediatricians are so damn expensive and they all want like R750 upfront instead of claiming it from my medical aid. GP sends us off for x-rays now the last time we went for x-rays Aiden was 6 weeks and had bronchitis and it wasn't too bad, he moaned but didn't really cry.
This however was different. He screamed, he cried like he was heart broken, it broke my heart because I knew I had no choice but to put him through this. My mother had to hold his head in all different directions while I held his body down.
It moments like this that you realise you would die instantly to save you're child from any kind of pain or heart ache.
Aiden has a cyst hiding under his skin, it's not harmful, benign they call it but might never go away. If it gets bigger they will have to give him surgery, they'll put him under and cut it out, I don't think I could quite handle that one but he is way too young so they just leaving it for now.
The x-rays we got are really cool though, perfect shots of his little skull. Going to frame those ones.
Life is full of challenges, it has it's ups and downs, and maybe my down as been going on for a while and at every corner it seems to go down some more but honestly I still have a life some people dream of. I am truly blessed in a lot of ways and I find it sad that in order for us to realise how lucky we are we have to wait to see how people on the other side live.
Last week I went on a trip with my cell group into town.
I wasn't really scared to go into town, some people are but I was scared to come face to face with what I already know. There are people out there who are suffering while we live in our cosy homes and have a cooked meal on the table every night.
We went with a church that runs certain programmes in town and we did three stops around the New Town area and helped feed the homeless.
There meal: A cup of soup and 4 slices of bread.
We arrive at the first stop to a long line of men, waiting patiently for this meal. They know it's coming, they there before we arrive and they have no problem standing there and accepting food from complete strangers.
We went to three stops that night.
Hundreds of people waiting for this meal that I would normally turn my nose too.
They sleep on the streets because it costs R10 to sleep in a shelter and they just can't afford it.
They are kind.
They are hopeful.
They have faith like you've never experienced.
They haven't given up and are still trying to finds jobs and a future for themselves and there families.
Bugs, bats, spiders, frogs, extreme heat and a lot of bushes is what one of these adventures entails.
It does make for a good weekend away, with lots of laughs, hiding from flying insects, frogs hiding in takkies, searching for damn giraffes (hide really well), arguments over whether bats are in fact blind or not, way too much food and just reconnecting with what's important in life.
I have been waiting to do this post before I even had Aiden, I had a really big baby shower and I did keep it to family and friends. I did however invite two bloggers I met during my pregnancy, well met as in grew an internet friendship. Well Fiona from Remember when couldn't make it but this wonderful and special lady sent me gifts.
She sent me a beautiful silverware set with Aiden's name engraved in it. Along with that she sent these awesome pieces from her baby range, Baby tees
I have heard this so many times I don't even think about it any more when it's said and I don't really know what 'truth' they are talking about here.
Maybe to everybody there's a different truth that will set them free.
You could have a dark secret that needs telling.
Maybe you living two lives.
Maybe truth to some is God's truth.
The truth could be your past you have hidden for so long.
The list can go on and on.
I'm looking for my truth, or maybe all those things are my truth and I have to sort them out one by one. I remember being free once though. I was alone in Cape Town, newly single, chasing my dream, I was independent and answered to no one. My happiness was all I had to worry about.
I don't know if I was truly happy then, maybe you never truly happy, after all happiness is not a destination but an emotion.
What I do know about then, I was Jessie for the first time in my life. I wasn't somebody's girlfriend. I wasn't my brothers little sister. I wasn't the nerd or the drug addict. People there knew me for one thing, me. And they were all happy with just having 'me'.
When I'm here I always feel like I'm fighting to fix my past, trying to become what was expected of me all my life. I am somebodies ex-girlfriend, I'm my brother little sister who got knocked up or Casey's older sister (thank fully these people are mostly to young to understand the just of being a single mom and they just love my baby).
Here I feel like a failure, I am reminded of my screw ups all the time. I don't see a way out here because the past is always knocking on my door.
Here I am expected to manage and be strong enough to get through anything, there I am free to struggle and be pissed off at my situation.
I can phone Claire and tell her my life sucks and that I am not coping and she kindly replies "I know, baby".
I phone friend here and I don't even dare saying it because the response will be "It's your own fault, deal with it."
I am trying to find my truth, I miss that feeling of not happiness but content. I miss enjoying the journey to the destination. I miss the feeling of waking up and not knowing what's going to happen and being okay with it because today is just today and I am going to have fun and live no matter how hard tomorrow is going to be.
You would think the universe or God would share out hardships, pain and grievousnesses. That everybody gets a certain dose.
I kind of thought that things can't possibly go any more wrong, that things couldn't get worse. I thought I was on my way to starting my future and then that to all collapses.
Which in result means I am starting all over again.
Let me tell you what I have, a son. The best miracle life has to offer and that's all I have.
Today, I am officially unemployed with no maintenance coming in.
I don't have a car or a licence for that matter.
I have lost most of my friends.
I live in my parents house, which isn't quite working out any more.
I am suffering with PND or maybe I'm just your normal depressed because of the result of how crap my life really is.
I have no idea where I am going or how to get anywhere.
Especially when you weren't born with the "mommy" gene.
I truly believe some woman are just born mothers, I however was not.
I'm one of those woman who have to adapt and learn as I go along and I have realised how many "mommy" traits I am picking up.
Skills I have acquired
(Okay most of these all fit into one skill but I'm running with it as separate triumphs so I can feel better about myself)
I can now straighten my hair, rock baby in chair and catch up on my tv programmes all at once.
I can put make-up on and rock baby in chair.
I can put make-up on with one hand.
I have learnt to pee while holding a baby.
I can hold a baby and make a bottle with my left hand.
I can pick up baby bag, handbag, bottle, dummy in mouth, blanket over should, pick up baby, get car keys and remote and get baby into car seat all in one swoop of the house.
I can spit on a tissue and wipe my sons cheek.
I can sleep through a baby's cry.
I can feed my baby while I bbm, tweet and facebook.
I have been perfectly comfortable leaving the house in track pants, no make up and a birds nest on top of my head.
I learnt to cry for no reason what so ever.
I know all the kiddie friendly restaurants and which ones I can fit my pram into.
I can eat my supper cold and drink cold tea.
I have found myself playing peek-a-boo.
I now love grocery shopping because I get to leave baby at home.
So out of all the woman I know with kids maybe 10% of the daddy's are still with the mother, raising their children, the rest have vanished, are there when they feel necessary, avoid paying maintenance, don't pay maintenance or think R100 here and there is actually sufficient when bringing up a child.
So when you find a man that is not only still there and helping his glorious wife raise his two daughters, (all men doing this deserve an applause) but it also writing about it, well he deserves a standing blady ovation!
I found 'Dadmissions the book' through Scary Mommy here is one of his writings I got from the amazing Scary Mommy.
Parental Gift Etiquette
Pete is the Managing Editor of KCBS KCAL TV Los Angeles. He is currently cowering in a house with a wife and two little girls and cringing every time the girls use their new, favorite word “vagina”. He’s turned his Dadmissions into a book which he hopes to publish before the girls grow old. You can find him on Facebook at “Dadmissions the Book”
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The holidays have blown by, we’re in a new year, the wrapping paper and credit cards have all been stashed with care (or not)… So I’ve finally taken a breather and gotten down to thinking about gifts and giving… Not what to give, or how much to give, but what to take away and how quickly to take it. Call it Parental Gift Etiquette.
I don’t care what the event is: in the buildup to the next birthday, graduation, bar mitzvah, or any event where a gift is given, kids will always ask for that next, great, must-have, seen on TV, can’t live without it or I’ll absolutely die, gift. Almost immediately, once the gift request is formally made to mom and dad, we begin to threaten the kids they won’t get their most-wanted gift IF they misbehave. For example, I might say, “Speak to me that way one more time, and see if you get that Ipod you want.” But we all know eventually they get the gift anyway, unless you are a cold, heartless, and ruthless parent (Kris Jenner, Michael Lohan, any of the parents on Toddlers and Tiaras).
Now, fast-forward a week, a few days, or who am I kidding, even a couple of minutes after the birthday, graduation, bar mitzvah, or other gift event. Almost immediately, once the gift has been opened, we begin the process of then threatening to take away those most-wanted gifts which are now already in the kids’ possession. For example, I might say, “I warned you not to speak to me that way again, so hand over that Ipod.”
It seems to me the whole process needs streamlining. So here’s what I propose.
Why don’t we sit down with the kids… let them pick out their favorite gifts… have them acknowledge they’ll eventually misbehave… and then agree to just never get the gifts to begin with. See how it works kids? You pick a gift, acknowledge you can’t behave, and then just never get the gift to begin with. It’s a sort-of pre-punishment which saves moms and dads both time and money, and the tantrums associated with taking a gift away. Instead of regifting, I’d like to refer to this as PRE-gifting. We solve it all ahead of time. And then when it comes to birthdays or Christmas or whatever the big gift reveal is, we just pull out the pre-gifting contract where we all agreed ahead of time not to bother with toys or other gifts because the kids eventually won’t behave.
“I warned you not to speak to me that way again… Let’s just consult the pre-gifting contract.”
“We the undersigned kids agree that it’s impossible for us to behave and therefore we’ll never get to keep the coveted gift we so want. We agree in the pre-gifting arrangement where we will pick out a gift, but then never receive it, thus cutting out the middle man. We further agree that any tantrum or yelling is really pointless since we never actually got any gift to begin with and therefore nothing has actually been taken away from us.”
Of course I expected a response, I am controversial, confrontational and opinionated. If I wasn't I just wouldn't be me. I got this link to a blog, you can follow it for there opinion and I'll explain why I still love this video...Opinion 101
My Opinion
"Gender-exclusive language" I really doubt that was intended and in any way meant to come out as sexist, when I talk about things 'in general' I talk about 'her' and 'she' as I am a woman and saying both 'he' and 'she' in every sentence would take rather long and take out the art of the fact that this dialogue is actually a poem.
I am a young person, and have gone to church my whole life, Sunday school, Youth and Sunday services. My mom read me bible stories and I prayed before I went to bed at night. I love this video, I love the message he is portraying and I still go to church on Sundays. I am still happy my mom dragged my sorry ass to church my whole childhood and I will drag my sons ass there too.
He makes a statement "Church is not a museum for good people, but a hospital for the broken" so he isn't saying church is evil stay away and don't let your parents take you there. He is merely pointing out what church should be instead it has become a building where people go to feel better than the rest of the "wordly"sinners, even though we are all sinners and all forgiven.
Why is it "simplistic theology"and even if it is, does it make it any less true. He is giving his opinion, he is expressing what he's heart feels and he is saying it in a way that will reach youth today. With 14 million views he must be doing something right and maybe the church should take some pointers.
This is the video that responded to the previous one, this is the theological response: follow the link theological response
How theological of you, quoting a whole 2 bible versus, stating facts of the church's history and missing the whole point.
It's a POEM, no one is claiming that this is the new way, truth and the light. He is merely stating his opinion and doing it with LOVE, PASSION, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE and NO JUDGEMENT for the BROKEN who feel shunned by the church. That is the point of his poem.
Last but not least, he advertised his watch after the video, oh my word, big deal. He got his voice heard and did so by promoting a real nice watch, I'd actually buy one for my boyfriend. I think people forget we live in this world therefore we have to move with the times and Christians are actually normal people, living in this world not in the world of robes and sandals. Christians are allowed to have careers and are even allowed to make a lot of money and believe it or not we also make mistakes.
Watch the video, listen to what he's saying. Really listen and you'll see that his whole message, is simple:
God loves YOU, God has already FORGIVEN you, God is the ONLY one who can JUDGE you.
So in the end, my opinion, your opinion, his opinion, in the end it's what would God's opinion be.
In my opinion, He would love the video and maybe if Jesus was walking the earth today, He would be wearing one of those trendy watches.
My wonderful LITTLE sister, who I adore and is supposed to be little forever is turning 18, I say that with tears in my eyes. She is my best friend, one of my soul mates, she knows me better than anyone in the world. We look at each other and know exactly what each other is thinking. She keeps me living, she puts a smile on my face. I love her.
She's not my little sister anymore, I know I have one more year with her, if that, she already has a boyfriend now and a whole lot less time with me. Next year she'll be off to university or overseas and she'll meet a whole lot of new people and she'll be allowed to go out and do what her heart wants and I'll be old news. I'll be her OLDER sister with a kid, how boring.
If I'm feeling this way I can only imagine how my mom is feeling, but it's okay mom, it looks like Aiden and I will be here a while.
The point to all this is, it's her party in 3 weeks, it was supposed to be 6 but her boyfriend is riding the Argus so now it's 3 and I am organising. Shit is all I can say. If you watched my baby shower unfold you will know I don't do party's small, birthdays are meant to be celebrated and everything in life has to look pretty and amazing, it's just how I am.
She wants a Casino night, 1920's Flapper style, at least I helped instil some style into the beauty my sister has become.
Problems:
To rent a Casino event place to come and run some games : R12 000 (What are they smoking coz I want some)
It is illegal to gamble at your home so you can't rent a roulette's table and such
3 Weeks to pull this off is near impossible
Some of her friends are 18 some aren't, we pretty liberal with drinking but how do you make sure the right kids are drinking and the right ones aren't, especially when I don't care and would gve them all a tequilla (yes, don't send your teenagers to me, I will corrupt)
I have a lot of ideas, we even creating a "Kidz Zone", you know where you dump your rugrats while you go blow your rent money, yip one of those with a jumping castle and all.
Poker tables, Black jack tables, giant dice and cards as decor, playing card bunting, jelly shots, twinkle lights, smoking cocktail lounge.
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