Thursday, August 16, 2012

Bad Mommy Moments

We all have them or I hope we do, I have them quite often and I sit and think to myself am I really cut out for this. Some days I just can't find the strength to do the most trivial tasks of motherhood and some days it just kicks my ass.

  • I don't sterilize Aidens bottles on weekends anymore, at all, and sometimes when there isn't enough boiled water in the kettle for the 225ml I need, I top up with tap water. The shock and horror, I know.
  • Some days I realize at 5pm that I haven't changed Aidens nappy since the morning, like 7am, thank God for Pampers Premium Care that's all I can say.
  • If I don't feel like sitting for an hour and getting Aiden to eat something healthy for supper I give him Purity Custard, at least he's eating right.
  • I sometimes don't bath him for 2 days, because this zaps all my energy!
  • I laugh when I tell him no, because how can you be angry at that face for more than a split second.
  • Sometimes I send him to school with out changing his nappy from the night before.
  • I hide in the bathroom when I tell someone to watch him while I 'pee'
  • I have given him Calpol just so he can sleep.
  • I visit people purely because I know they will play with Aiden for 2 hours.

And then there is this, I feel awful about it and embarrassed but I just couldn't deal with it. Aiden's bottom teeth are finally coming out, I can feel they have cut the skin and he's teething some kind of horrible. He won't eat and is so miserable I don't even recognise him. The last few nights he's been vomiting all over me and him and the bed. Now Aiden doesn't vomit, so this is a new challenge for me and one I don't handle well, no I didn't leave him to sleep in it, I'm not that bad but I have sent him to school even though he probably isn't well enough to and then this morning,  well you see, our routine is I get A ready for school and my mom and sister drop him off on the way to work. He was playing on the floor, I was trying to fall back to sleep and my sister was doing her hair and we heard it. I thought he just pooped like normal, but when I looked to put him in the car, I realised it was a monster poop that didn't stay in the nappy, I could see it had gone down his legs, all over his socks, up his back, I told my mom, just take him, tell his teacher he did it in the car. Yes, I sent my child to school covered in poo!


  1. hahahaha well done :-)

    This is the glamorous world of motherhood!!!!

    Jack loves bathing and will sit in there until the water is ice cold BUT the dressing afterwards? KILLS ME!!!!!!!! He WILL NOT lie still - I cant wait for summer!

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  5. rofl....

    Luckily im pretty sure that once babies reach 6 months old you dont need to sterilise their bottles all the time.
    Tap water never killed anyone :) Also i think after about 6 months they should be fine, (My kids were)
    And poo!!!!!!!!!!!! i could see myself doing the same, i hope your sons teacher doesnt read your blog :) lol

  6. ooooh, and, "Varkie Aand" is a regular occurance in my home

  7. hahahahaha
    truth hurts???
    You want to say what you want but as soon as somebody tells you the truth you run away ....
    You can delete as much as you want however the truth will always be there

  8. Why are you still commenting, I thought you had children to raise the right way. I deleted your comments as there was no truth in them and they weren't worthy of MY blog! If you have such a strong opinion and are such a world class mother why are you staying anonymous, own up and be a strong enough woman to stand by your opinions.

  9. Jess

    Thank you for being brave enough to talk about how difficult motherhood really is sometimes. The real truth is its hard And when you think its going to get easier, it gets harder. Its drainin -physically, emotionally and spiritually. it takes everything in you to do it and then some. Its the most difficult job i've ever had. and i struggle daily. you lose friends, you stop being able to look after yourself the way you used to, you never have me time.

    if not sterlising my childs bottles, using tap water or not always jumping up to change a nappy as soon as it gets dirty makes you a bad mother, then im right there along with you.

    I hardly get time to have a bath myself, i wash my hair once a week, its hard.
    Bending over a bath at night and half breaking your back to bath a kid after a long days work is a daunting task. Like i said, Varkie aan is a regular thing in my house.

    Im happily married to a wonderful helpful man who really does alot to help with the kids. and i still struggle. i dont know how you do it alone. Take my hat off to you.

    Well done :) You're doing a wonderful job.

    Thats the TRUTH!!!!

  10. HUH? there something wrong with your eyes as well?
    My name is Beverley and I did sign my comments off with my name.
    And my coments was relating to the way you treating your son, his hygiene and his eating habits
    You, my dear, fell of the bus by bad mouthing other people
    And you know that and thats the reason you deleted everything
    Anyway the only reason I comment was my concern for your son thats always sick or in hospital and you so busy with your own image to realise that if he is not fed and bath regulary and correct he will get sick (or in your case will stay sick).
    Or do you prefer that I keep my mouth shut like so many people do and turn a blind eye to child neglect?

    1. Hi Beverly
      I am Jessie's mom and she and Aiden live with me, my hubby and her sister Casey. Aiden is the most loved and adored person in our home. He is not in any way neglected. I have had 3 children and they are all alive and very well. So I think you can rest assured, as you seem to care so deeply for Aiden, that I have the experience to help when Jessie needs it. I don't know why you should want to trash my daughter, but maybe you should use up your negative energy somewhere else. Jessie is an amazing person, who took on the challenge of having a baby alone, with d disappearing up the road in a jet of revs. Jess could have had an abortion, she could have given him up for adoption or let us adopt him. But she didn't. She has taken on the challenge and is just dead honest about it on her blog. I admire her and support her 1000%.

    2. Hallo Lois
      Thank you for your reply.
      If you have read my comments you will note that my only concern was regarding A’s health. It was Jess who kept on badmouthing other people. Unfortunately Jess deleted everything. That said … let me get back to the topic.
      Do you seriously don’t find it concerning that this little boy is walking around with the same soiled nappy for the whole day?? That his bottles and toys don’t get sterilised?
      I quote from her statement: “with a bacterial infection” …. I rest my case!!!! His little body is trying to fight the germs! There is probably animals (cats or dogs) around him as well and I can just imagine if jess dont bath herself or A regularly there is a snowball in hell change that the animals get bathed and I take it all that hair and stuff is all over that little boys toys/clothes! So how can a mother not bother to sterilise her childs bottles/toys?
      A lady at my work was reading this blog as she heard from a friend about it and we all were shocked that a “mother” can do this!!
      As I stated before …. Yes it’s difficult to raise children! Yes some days you just think how the hell am I going to do this? But you know what? He is there and he depends on his mother for care and he must get 24/7 attention no matter how difficult the situation is.
      Yes she is a single mom….. so what? There is millions and millions of single moms and dads. However that is they own fault. When the going was good and the sex was fun it was all okay but o my word now that it’s time to face up and be responsible all you hear is the wining and laziness! And the only person that is paying the price is the children as they do not get the care they should get.
      And what on earth does it got to do with the public that she didn’t go for an abortion? Wow does she expect a medal for not doing it? It’s an embarrassment not a status!!
      Yes I sound harsh but it angers me that girls (especially now days) want to sleep around and then after wards want to ask WHY ME??
      As I said before … I do not question if A is loved, he surely looks adorable however there is different abuse to children and one is that you do not see to that ALL your child needs are fulfilled!!!
      And if you blame me for being concern regarding this little boy then Im shocked! I am concerned ... not about Jess or her X or who ever she wants to blame for this situation, but about another child that is neglected. Maybe not in the sense of beatings or hunger but in many other ways .....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    4. One of my readers emailed you a reply:

      Dear Bev ( may I call you that)

      Get off your high horse! Please go an parader your own securities as a mother somewhere else.

      I DO NOT STERILISE my childs bottles, and even when I did she still ended up in hospital. I do Not wash my baby every day, because it is not necessary. I do Not Change my childs nappy very regularly some days, because life gets away with me.

      Jess is doing a fantastic job for a single mom, I most days battle to cope and that's with a hands on husband and dad. BUT JESS ( even though she just enjoyed the sex- as you put it) DOES take responsibility of her child 24/7 - as you ONCE AGAIN put it

      It is women like you that society does not need. It is women like you that make great mothers feel like bad mothers, but behind closed doors it is women like you that are probably failing the most at motherhood.

      So instead of shooting your mouth off at someone you "apparently" don't know, rather suggest positive ways or comments that will assist "bad mothers" be better, considering you are so perfect at it.

      And should you feel the need to comment any further, please provide the avid readers and supporters of this blog and mommy with proper credentials of your child rearing expertise ( because it seems by your comments that you are either a doctor, midwife, nurse, clinic psychologist, etc. that has an educated back ground on child rearing)AND if you don't rather just shut up, or go set up your own blog, where you can write about your own little life!

      Kind Regards

  11. My child has been in hospital twice this winter and was in hospital, once with a bacterial infection from a bad throat infection and the second time with croup, both illnesses caused by flu not by skipping a bath here and there!

    As for food, he eats healthy, occasionally I give him purity instead of boiling and blending carrots, kill me I'm human!
    My child is NOT neglected in any way, shape or form, call welfare, they can come inspect and they'll tell you the same thing honey.

    My child lives in a warm and loving home,and has more than any baby can ask for, even his father says he doesn't worry about A coz he knows he'll be provided for and given every opportunity unlike the mother of his other children where he sits and stress's the whole time.

    You don't need to concern yourself with the well being of my son as he is perfectly fine and perfectly looked after, even if he skips a bath.

  12. Hi Jessie,

    I don't know you but I read your blog and I admire your honesty and bravery.

    Beverly, you are a bully. This is not your blog and don't seem to be Jessie's friend, so it really has nothing at all to do with you.

    There are so many orphaned children in our country. Perhaps you should channel you knowledge and concern into helping those children.

    Kind regards,

  13. Good afternoon everybody
    Well Well no wonder there is so many confused children out there in the world.
    As I have stated numerous times (however it seems that some of you have a reading disability as you cannot understand) is that there is no perfect mother in the world … nope that job is to hard. However there is a difference between a not perfect mommy and a lazy useless girl trying to play mommy when it suites her. That I’m sorry is just pathetic in my eyes!!!
    Yes I’m harsh . …. Because damit this involves a little child’s health! It’s not some toy that can be left and played with when you feel you can lift your lazy ass because there is not someone else to do it for you!!
    And no people I have many mistakes and cried a lot but when I made a mistake I own up and I try to learn from that.
    My husband passed away in a car accident when my daughter was only 2 months old. Did I lie in the bed and didn’t bother to change my child’s nappy for the day? No blady way!!! Did I neglect to sterilise her stuff? No blady way!! And why not??? Because she dependent on me to be the best I can be and not to neglect her!
    So for all your mommy’s that think it’s normal to let your child walk around with a soiled nappy the whole day….or send him/her filthy to school where another woman that must look after 100’s other must try and clean him up….to the mommy’s that sit and cry because their babies are sick because of bacterial infection ….. Good God people wake the hell up and get off your high horses!!!!! These children need you! And if you still can’t see the wrong in that then my prayers go out to your children and hope there is a granny (like Jess mom) or someone that looks after your responsibility while you lay with your lazy ass in the bed or sit and think of excuses why not to do something for your child.
    And I truly hope that everyone gets a nice big fat stinky from their babies today because all you would think about is …. FUCK THAT WOMAN IS A PAIN IN THE ASS WITH HER TRUTH! Hahaha
    PS…. I thought anybody can comment and make statements? ………….Oh no wait not if you want to face the truth …. Silly me!!!!
    Enjoy your day ladies was nice chatting to you.

    1. My Dearest Beverly,

      Your reaction is somewhat reminiscent of a 16 year old girl being dumped and her subsequent meltdown on Facebook.

      You make statements and contradict yourself several times. As someone who has lost someone I loved deeply, I can feel you pain for the loss of your spouse. This however, does not give you the right to act like a bratty teenager to someone who is honest and forward enough to tell people that she isn’t the best mother out there, but she’s trying. This is a whole lot more than some other people out there can say.

      Judging by your extensive knowledge on the field of medicine and how to prevent things like bacterial infections, it would be safe to assume your child never got sick. Never needs a doctor’s visit and has never needed any form of medication. I find this very hard to believe as most children I’ve encountered fall ill, eventually.

      On the subject of diapers, Companies don’t spend millions developing products that allow you to use their product for longer than, oh… 2 or 3 hours, for the pea sized bladder most children have. There’s a reason, they’re super absorbent and so forth.

      Furthermore, I don’t enjoy the fact that you stated most people can’t read and understand you. Shit, I’ve got a Degree in English and your language use and grammar grinds my teeth. Thus, reminding me again of a 16 year old and Facebook.

      I would say you should write a Handbook on how to be a parent, but I think you’d be better suited at writing something like…

      How to be a snotty on someone else’s blog…

      You have yourself a pleasant day now and let Jess be. If you don’t agree, say so in a polite manner, there’s no need to demean someone publicly. It’s all fun and games when we can’t put a face to a name. So, before you make another atrocious statement like Jess is a bad mother, check yourself before you wreck yourself… Bitch.


  14. Jess,

    I haven't laughed this much since that time Uncle Eugene fell off his horse.

    Some people are experts in everything. We call those people, Self Righteous Arseholes.

    Don't drop to their level, they'll beat you with their experience. You should go have a look at the newest offering I put up. You'll probably find some inspirational value in it. I've been at the receiving end of similar behaviour for some of the things I've said and some of the things I've done. It's your life, your rules and your consequences.

    Just keep up with what you're doing. Don't sweat the small stuff and any other clichè, you deem fitting for this scenario.

    Peace, Pickles.

  15. Beverly,

    I'm not even a mom, im not passing judgement on what is right and wrong. I don't personally know Jessie so I really can't comment on her life.
    I just feel that you are being extremely rude and really just being a grown up bully.
    If you concern was really for Jessie's child, you would have sent her a private e mail offering some advice or assistance, but its very clear that this is just an opertunity for you to try and bring someone down and be nasty. Its very silly and very mean hearted. And very sad to see a grown woman and mother attacking someone else. You're words and judgement are not coming from a place of concern as you claim.
    I just don't feel like its right go out of your way to come into someone elses blog and attack them.

    When I first heard that someone was bad mouthing my sisters blog I had to come see it for myself, now I never comment on her blog but this time I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I have heard all the previous comments that you posted so please don't refer to those that were deleted because I've heard them already. When I heard of you saying that D was a married man I immediately knew who you were friends with and it made me laugh. I don't think a woman your age should go back to the way high school girls go about doing things because its extremely tacky and uncalled for. I live with it everyday and its annoying, going back and forth commenting like is it just sad and you should just stop. I wouldn't want your poor children to grow up learning these terrible traits that I hear teachers talk about all the time about the girls in high school. You should really grow up!
    Now I live with my sister and I know everything that goes on because I'm with her nearly 24/7. The fact that you have the guts to call my sister dirty when you don't know her is beneath a lot of people but I guess it fits you since you are part of the friend circle of that white trash. Let me tell you something miss perfect, my sister has bathed her little boy every single day since he was born and yes there is a few occasions where she hasn't but I know all this because I get the honour of changing him when he gets out the bath. When I look at my godson I see a little boy who is always smiling and loves his mother more then anything. He is never upset and yes when he is sick he is upset because well that's pretty normal as it is normal to get sick. I mean hello aren't we all human. And don't call my sister a useless girl because she isn't and she isn't lazy! And as you have said you've made your mistakes and such right, well my sister is putting it up for all those other mothers who feel like they can't do it because it's hard is its to prove that they not the only ones who do make mistakes. I think you a highly contradictory person and need to set your facts straight because you cannot bash somebodies else's mistakes because nobody is perfect and defiantly not you since you turn to the ways of a high school girl. You know what, my sisters had NEVER neglected her child and if you have read her whole blog then you should know that. If she was a lazy and useless girl, then why are so many other mothers following her and why are so many companies offering to sponsor her? BECAUSE SHE IS A FANTASTIC MOTHER WHO PUTS HER EVERYTHING INTO HER CHILD. So please if you don't like her blog, then leave and tell miss white trash while you at it to leave my family alone because I'm getting sick of her! Now goodbye and don't come back because my sister has real mother followers and doesn't need some chick telling her off when you have no idea about anything.


  17. I'm astonished that there are people who weighed in on this post as being evidence of neglect. What rot. Aiden is clearly a very loved little boy with a devoted mother and involved extended family.

    It's not necessary to sterilise bottles after six months. In fact, the thinking these days is that sterilisation isn't necessary at all for healthy babies at any age ( I certainly don't sterilise my baby's bottles - and I don't feel an inkling of guilt about it.

    Recent studies have also shown that farm children are less likely to get allergies because their immune systems get a healthy workout fighting off animal germs and worm infestations, so it is actually far healthier for children to grow up in households where they are exposed to animal fur and mess, rather than oversanitised environments. (

    As for leaving the kid in the same nappy all day. Oh dear, that's not fantastic, but guess what - everyone leaves their kid in the same nappy for 12 hours every night, and that's hardly neglect, is it?

    And yes, the admission about sending Aiden to school in a soiled nappy is a howler, but this was a list of Bad Mommy Moments. Jess is acknowledging that this wasn't great. She's not saying she does it every day, but that in one of her worst moments, that's what she did. I don't like to leave my kids in soiled nappies, but I certainly have bundled them into my car seat at the park or the shops after they've dropped a load, rather than going through the contortions of changing them on the car seat. What Jess did is no worse. And honestly, if that's the worst thing she's ever done to her child, he's a lucky boy.

    So shame on you, Beverley, for taking an honest and poignant confession of a young woman who's doing her best as a mother, and trying to make her feel bad not only about what she's done in her worst moments, but also about the fact that her child has suffered from unrelated illnesses to justify your over-sanitised view on the world.

    Well done to you, Jess, for being a relaxed and real mother, and for sharing with all of us.


  18. Dear Beverley

    Firstly we only have one cat who happens to belong to my sister and doesn't like me or A for some reason so is never near us. Oh and we have a full time maid so our house is spotless.

    Secondly I never said I leave A in his shit all day, coz then I would smell him and change him, I was talking about a busy saturday and realising later on I hadn't changed his wet nappy and if you have ever used a Pampers Premium care nappy you will know those things would stay dry in a tidal wave.

    Thirdly sending A to school in his poop was my worst moment and i was on an hours sleep thanks to teething, his school is the next block and I pay and arm and a leg to send him to a private creche were there are only four babies in his class and its there job to care for my son!

    Fourthly you want to know D's side coz I'm nasty about him, when if you read my blog I actually have wanted nothing else but my child to have his father in his life, here it is, I was in love and got pregnant, he left coz I wouldnt have an abortion, actually the day before that when I told him i was pregnant he went and screwed another chick, he told me he was going home to tell his parents deleted me off facebook and told me to enjoy my decision. oh and when I was 6 months pregnant he knocked up another girl, so yes please feel sorry for him!

    Lastly its quite a big accusation you got there saying I abuse and neglect my child and its quite laughable, my son has everything money can by, he is surrounded by people that love him and all his needs are met, everyday!

    What you did here was a personal attack and thats how I know you arent some random stranger but are directly involved with D's ex, especially with some of the things you said.

    Now I don't care if you hate me, I don't care if you think I am a whore or a terrible mother, I know the truth and I know I am there for my son!

  19. Thanks to all the wonderful people who backed Jess.
    The Dickensian description of my home from Beverly is hysterical. We have one cat who is seldom around and doesn't go anywhere Aiden. I also have a full time domestic helper. So there is very little fur and hair and dust around.
    Also the soiled nappy all day was a WET nappy and as you know nappies are designed to last a long time especially if it is an expensive one.
    The soiled nappy to school was as we were leaving for the school work trip and I really couldn't wait for the change.
    The not bathing was at MY suggestion - ever heard of topping and tailing?
    Jess doesn't spend her day in bed as Bev seems to think, but is partner in our Graphic Design company and works on that and writing articles etc etc.
    I think the attack from Bev is slander and deformation of character. I wish I could sue her, but no one is taking her too seriously.
    Health and hapiness to all the mommies who read Jessie's amazing blog.

    And by the way Bev, please don't pray for us - may Karma bite you in the butt.

  20. One look at the kid's face is enough to let anyone know he his happy, loved and cared for.

  21. Now if Jess had said she ties Aidan to a tree every now and then so she can get some "me time" I would have understood the palawer. ( no. I don't tie my children to trees but the thought has occurred to me when I've caught my 1 year old for the 103rd time just before she attempts to "crawl down" the stoep steps on a Sunday afternoon ). WE ALL GET TIRED. Motherhood is repetitive and hard work with little immediate reward. That's the deal.

    ( and I agree with jollyjammer : just look at the kid's happy face!! )

  22. Hello, Just wanted to come by and show my support. It was really brave of you to share these things. No one is perfect and as an expectant mother that really lightens the load to know that my kid will be perfectly okay if I am not a paragon of motherhood.

    As for "Beverly", just let trolls troll. There is no use responding or defending your position on someone who just wants to berate you.

  23. You are so brave Jess - good on you for admitting how hard motherhood is xxx

  24. Lol beverly is obviously a very bitter woman. Maybe she should take some time out and be a "bad mom " every once in a while, so she can get her head straight. There are plenty of times I should change my sons diaper, but I dont because it can wait a little longer. I only sterilized my sons toys and stuff maybe a handfull of times, and I truthfully only give my son a bath maybe once a week. And thats usually because he blew up his diaper and its easier to just give the boy a bath then to wipe him down. Never once has he been sick, hes perfectly strong, healthy, and ahead developementally. Studies have shown that children who grow up in overly sterilized, overly cleaned homes, are more prone to allergies, and illness because you never allowed thier bodies to build.up their defenses. Children are not as fragile as people think. We didnt survive and become such a dominating race because we're weak. Children were meant to get dirty, its how their bodies create defenses.

    And what you have to say about single parents is very appaling. I cant even put into words all the things that were wrong with that. I think you have some very strong resentments and bitterness because you dont give yourself a break. You probably never gave yourself a chance to grieve properly because you were so focused on being a "perfect mother" yes babies need 24/7 care. But what use is that care when the mother herself is hurt, angry, and resentful? You can only give what you have. And if thats all you have deap down, thats all you'll ever be able to transmit to your children. How sad is that? Being a good mother isnt about sterilizing some fucking toys or giving your kid a bath everyday. Its being there for them emotionally too. All your kids really want is love. I have no doubt jess loves her son, but she does have difficulties, she makes mistakes, and rather than putting a plastic smile on- she comes and vents her woes on here where she can relate with other mothers who are dealing with the same pressures. Mostly so she doesnt go insane, like you. Shame on trolls like you who judge harshly. let she without sin throw the first stone. SMH