Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Fuck It

I haven’t written that much since Aiden was born, mostly due to the fact that time really has just disappeared on me and because my blog has fallen into some awful hands.

It’s turned into a place for some to find out the latest gossip, to gauge on my pain and heart ache and to use against me and cause havoc in my life.

Now my blog is about me, about my life, it’s my opinion and my story so not quite sure how people can turn 10 months of writing into a fucking book about them. I honesty don’t give enough of a shit about them to give them that much attention.

So for a while now I have limited what I have written and taken a lot of my life off of it and in the end my heart.
Well I have realised that is fucking crazy.

This is my blog you don’t like it, don’t read it and if you only here to find out stories enjoy because the people who matter already know how I feel, they already know what I’m about to write, this is about how I feel today, what I felt yesterday and how I think I might feel in the future.

It’s the truth, it’s my truth and I am not going to hide it because some people still live in a world of childish games and gossip.

I have overcome enough challenges, seen enough pain, felt enough heartache and been through enough shit in my life not to let anybody have power and control over any aspect of my life.

Through all of this I have had people harass me, send me messages on facebook, telling me I’m a whore and a this and a that. Threatening me and my child and I have kept quiet, I have been the better person and I will continue to do so.

However this is my place of sanity, my place of rescue and I will be damned before I let anybody take anything away from me ever again.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Time Eliminated

I think about writing on my blog all day every day and before you know it the day's gone. Then I check again and the weeks gone and then I woke up this morning and realised, oh shit, Aiden is a month today. He's getting so big and so aware of his surroundings and more demanding of my time.

Tired is not quite the word to use about how my body is feeling, exhausted, fatigued or maybe just zombified would be more accurate. Overwhelmed at times, over emotional most of the time and completely in love the rest of the time.

Aiden and I are living between my parents house and D's house, which is great and very hard all at the same time. Packing and unpacking a whole house every time and travelling between Alberton and Benoni is a mission all in itself but it gives Aiden bonding time with his father which is always amazing to watch and D is amazing with him and such a great help and a different four walls to be in is always a good break.

This must be the hardest thing I have ever done but the most rewarding, the last month has flown by and as I try and sit and write all thats happened I realise I can't even tell you. Its been one hell of a roller coaster and I have many hand written posts for you that I'll get up for you all this weekend.

1 Month Today