How I feel today

Where am I

Behind a computer, meeting impossible deadlines and studying, in between changing dirty nappies and sterilizing bottles....yes all very exciting I know. But I will leave you with some photos of my gorgeous son.

Mommy Matters

The weeks seem to fly by and I don't know whether I am coming or going any more. I have been working constantly and studying when I am not working and in between that trying to balance being a single mom.

Over at Mommy Matters is my latest post The Mommy Guilt.

Fathers Day minus One

I dreaded the day all of last week, I watched as blogs around me anticipated it, prepared for it and had many competitions for it. I never thought Fathers Day could actually make me feel ill with anxiety and I'm not quite sure why it did and I know it probably will for years to come.

I woke up crying and angry, I looked at my beautiful sons face and couldn't understand how someone couldn't want to be there to watch his smile every morning, I couldn't understand how someone wouldn't sacrifice every luxury in order to provide for his needs and I couldn't understand how he could show up for 1 hour on Fathers Day with a tin of formula and ear buds and think he deserves an award for being an amazing father.

It doesn't matter though, we had a good day, filled with smiles and laughter, family and good food. Aiden and I don't have a daddy in our family but we are surrounded by a whole lot of inspirational people that we love and adore.

Pampers Premium Care Winners

Monday mornings are awful on the best of days so here's a little sunshine for five lucky ladies. 

The comments that were picked by a random selector are:

- Chantal

i definately need these :) with baby 3 on the way. Kid one still on nappies at night and kid 2 still full time. definately want as much help as i can get :)

thanks pampers

- NickiD

Awesome! Mika only wears Pampers Premium! Tweeted, Facebooked, liked the page etc :) x

- Candice Lloyd

This would be great as a starter for our little bundle of joy on the way. :-)

-  Leanne Easton

I want, I need, I want

- Elize & Francois

We only use Pampers! it's the only nappies that works on our 2 children and would recommend it for everyone to use. It's really the BEST nappies!!!! WE LOVE Pampers!!!! :-)

Congrats Ladies!!!

Please email me, jmckaydesigns@gmail.com, your Full name, contact number, address and nappy size so I can send you your hampers. 

Nappies will be delivered within 2-3 weeks.

To Do List

From a man's heart

A part of me, Apart of me

Francois Van Rhyn

Over the past few months, I'vebeen following this young mother's blog. I've tried to see the problems she faces and I've tried to understand them. You see, I myself am not a father and I have no idea of any of the logistical requirements of parenthood. I'm honest, I don't even know my powdered milk from baby milk. To me, it's the same thing really, but in reality a vast difference exists.

You see the thing is, I think I'm falling for a single mother, and the only thing that's been racing through my mind is the daunting experience that is fatherhood. Most would say I'm jumping the gun a little, but in reality, it is something one has to give a well deserved amount of thought to when entering a relationship with a single parent. This isn't the type of person you get involved with justbecause she's smart,sexy and funny. You can't simply waltz in and out of a single parents life. The psychological and emotional aspects have to be addressed and keeping her child in mind is the most important thing. What type of example will be set? How long is long enough to see each other before you expose them to your child?

This got me thinking, so I hada look at our situation and realized there are  various other things that need to be considered. 

She's a mother to a beautiful young boy. They come together as a single unit. I can't have one without the other. I can't have romantic dinners without dirty nappies. At the beginning, yeah sure. But what if things get really serious? What then?

Well, then you do like my father said to me. “Son, best you cowboy the fuck up and stand by your decision because life isn't a game and you can't always run away when times get tough. That's a woman with a heart, you hold it, don't break it. Or I might have to break you” Thanks Pops.

So how does someone like me prepare for parenthood? I can hardly look after myself and here I am considering the possibility of being a dad. The largest portion of my thoughts have been centred around her child. Even though at this point I'm more than ready to accept the responsibilities of fatherhood, I have to keep a very important thing in mind.

He has a dad. And no matter how much I try, I will never be his father. This leaves me with more questions than answers, time and time again. I can try to be the main character in his life, but I’ll mostly play a supporting role. I'd be supporting her in making the right decisions for him. Or so I hope at least.

And alot of what I've been talking about is revolving around a young child. The scenario is vastly different when you have an older child in play. Would they accept me? If they have a father, would theylook at me as trying to replace their father? It changes again when dealing with a child when there was an absent father. Then me coming into their mother's life could be seen as trying to take away their mothers love. It's hard, try as you might to keep everyone happy, it isn't always possible...

Look, I don't have the answers. And it's not like I can go; "Hey Google, sort a brother out, yo" because there is no manual for this. Some of the other questions I've found myself asking; Will I be able to accept and love him as my own? If things even go so far as us having a child together, would I love our child more than him? Would I play favour to my child over their child? Would the child accept me?

My thoughts and feelings are valid. The thing to remember is, to a mother, her child is everything. That someone may not love that child is inconceivable. But, I shouldn't ever question whether or not I can love someone else's child. That should be a given. Even if I'm a man, I am capable of love. The mommy? Well, she's a lady too and there has to be that desire to scrum her mindlessly, otherwise it's a lost cause.

I wish it was as easy as the movies make it seem sometimes. But lifes not simple, all I can do is try. Try to convince her that I'm in it for the long run. That I'm not going to pack my bags when it gets tough. That I'm there to support her, whether she's ready to accept it or not.  The rest? Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there, I suppose.

Peace.

Mommy Matters

It's Wednesday already, I can't believe it. I am as sick as a dog, not sure if it's food poisoning or a tummy flu. So while I recover from who knows what, head over to  Mommy Matters and read my latest post - 

And then you were there it's all about how little Aiden came storming into this world we call life.

You will do....no, YOU!

It's Father’s day this week, I have been dreading this day all year, it makes me feel a little queasy and I am thinking of hibernating with Aiden all day Sunday or maybe I'll just rock the single mom thing and take him to some Father’s day extravaganza.

I haven't put that much thought into finding another man, I haven't even really thought about the implications it will have on my life and how I would go about putting Aiden in that world, the wonderful world of love and dating, I guess I would keep him out of it until I know it's serious and I know 'this could be the one'. It's hard to really say and I'm not sure how I really feel about it all.

That's the thing I guess, it's not just my heart I have to think about, it's not just my feelings I will be putting at risk. It won't be just what I need in a man but what Aiden needs in a father, a good thing about all this, having a kid kind of cuts out the assholes and only the real men with good intentions are left standing.

I never really had a type I looked for; those who know me will say my type is arrogant, bad boys. I call them lost souls until I realise everybody was in fact right and they are indeed cheaters, abusers, addicts or just an all-round kind of heart-breaker.

The only type I know I have or don't have is 'blonde boys', it just doesn't do it for me.

Making a list seems so strange, like you making sure you don't forget anything at the grocery store, but I can't find the poetry inside me to do it any other way, my list is my contribution to the Father’s Day posts that have swept the blogosphere lately.

You, whoever and wherever you are, you need to be:

• Funny, not necessarily text book funny, tell me a knock knock joke funny, but you have to make me laugh and you have to be able to laugh at yourself.
• You going to have to love my son as much as you love me, it's a 2-for-1 special, there's no way around it.
• You have to be tall because I like to snuggle.
• I love men who work hard.
• If you treat your mom right, you'll probably treat me right.
• Patience is a virtue, not with me as I am difficult but with Aiden it's a must.
• Honesty, its simple just don't lie to me.
• Understanding that it might take a while for me to introduce you to my son.
• Somebody strong, that I won't walk all over, someone who will tell me when enough is enough
• The more open-minded the better
• Just kind and supportive
• You must believe that dreams do come true.

Some would say that's a tall order, I don't really think so; I have come across one or two people like that in my life time. I am sure I might just bump into him at some random moment at any time. That's how it happens in the fairy-tales any way’s.

Pampers Premium Care Give-Away

When I change nappies I hardly look at my child, I hold him up high by his legs and use probably half a pack of wet wipes every time. Nappy changing and bottle sterilizing are the two things that drive me insane and I dread doing. When you find something that makes any part of motherhood a little easier it's only fair to share. I have used hundreds of different nappies, they either hold nothing, never stay dry, causes rashes, explode little white balls all over Aiden or stain my baby blue, yes blue. I got a little gift from Pampers a while back, and have actually gotten all my friends hooked on the Premium Care range to. They last forever, they purple which I love never mind whether you have a boy or girl, they soft; inside and out - none of that crinkly fabric that scrunches when they move. No rashes, no strange colour staining and no spills or explosions.

They have offered me the chance to share this wonderful product with you, I will be giving away not one but 5 Premium Care hampers, each hamper will include 2 packs of Premuim Care nappies and 1 packet of Pampers Sensitive wipes. 

It's really easy 

• Comment below, if you struggle pop me an email jmckaydesigns@gmail.com I'll add your comment.
• Go over and like  Pampers Facebook Page
• If you share this posts link as well on Twitter, mention @MissPreggy so I know it's done and I will throw in your number twice.

You have a week to enter; the 5 lucky ladies will be drawn on Monday 18 June 2012.

If you not part of Pampers World, go have a look, I love it, especially the monthly email I get regarding what Aiden will be going through each month.

7 Months and still no sleep

Bad Humour - I know

Father: “When you go back to your Mom’s tonight, give her this envelope. Tell her that since you are now 18 this is the LAST check she’ll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression on her face.”

Daughter: “OK.”

Later….

Daughter: “Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I’m now 18 this is the LAST child support payment he’ll ever have to make to you. Now I’m supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face.”

Mother: “Next time you visit your father tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he’s not your father. Then, stand back and watch the expression on HIS face.

________________________________________________________________________________

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said,
“I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”

The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear?” she asked.

The little boy replied, “I heard Daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again.”

________________________________________________________________________________

Once there was this family of Storks, the momma stork the daddy stork and the little baby stork.

One night the daddy stork leaves and doesn’t come back till late the next morning. The baby stork very curious askes the father where he was. The father told the son he was making a young couple very happy.

A few months later the mother stork leaves and again doesn’t come back till late the next morning. The baby still curious asks his mother where she was all night! The mother tells the baby she was out making a young couple very happy.

A few months pass and after dinner the baby stork announces that he’ll be “right back.” Well he doesn’t return to late the next morning. The parents frantic with worry ask him where he was.To which he says, Out scaring the shit out of some college couple!

Mommy Matters

I think children teach there parents more sometimes than we teach them. At least Aiden has for me, go have a look at my new post for Mommy Matters called Out of the mouth of babies.

Don't forget to like them on Facebook and follow the on Twitter @MommyMatters.

I made Top Ten

  So the list went up and I made it, I actually made the Top Ten List of best Mommy Bloggers in South Africa. Some mornings I still wake up and think, holy crap I am a mother, I'm far from conventional and I make mistakes at motherhood everyday and that's what I tend to put up here. I'm probably the mother everyone reads just to feel better about themselves.

Honestly, the list is filled with the most amazing woman and all been blogging since way back when, I have followed them since I fell pregnant and seriously I probably don't stand a chance at winning and I am just honoured to be mentioned with them.

But if you do love my blog and you do want to try give me a fighting chance, go give me a vote at Kidzworld here - Mommy Blogger Finalists

Also go over and check out all the other awesome blogs who made it.

As hard as it is

It's hard.

It really is.

Being a single mother sucks at the best of times.

I sometimes wonder how I get through certain days. Some just seem like a blur of craziness and emotions. I get tired, I pray someone will take Aiden for longer than he's playful, change his nappy, feed him, and put him to sleep, just so I can have a bath, take a power nap or maybe even read a chapter of a good book.

I want to be able to hand Aiden over and say, "Hey, it's your turn, you deal with it." I can't. He's my child, there is only one parent and he's my sole responsibility.

Easy way to tell when I'm burning out is watching how I look, I'm normally groomed from head-to-toe, and the last few weeks you can easily see the tough part of motherhood whipping my ass.

The bags under my eyes, the grey looking skin, leaving the house in really unattractive track pants and no make-up, unwashed hair as greasy as a second used frying pan (thank God for Dry Shampoo).

With studying and having crazy deadlines for work and looking after Aiden 27/7 is wearing me down, I am turning into a zombie.

But as hard as it is there is only one way and that is forward.

There certain things you have to remember in this situation, certain things you have to keep reminding yourself of.

As much as you don't understand certain choices of others, it doesn't matter because that little boy looks at with pure love and joy.

He wants you and nobody else.

You the face he looks for in the crowd.

You the one who gets to tuck him in at night and wake up to the perfection of that innocent smile.

You get to witness all the firsts and take pride in watching him grow.

As tired as you get and as crap as you look, tomorrow is always a new day to make a change and try again.

You have to remember to not forget who you are, yes a mother, but still a person, best advice I ever got is "If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of your child." This one is forgotten often.

Aiden started to clap his hands this weekend, you clap then he claps. He does it and turns to look at you just to make sure you looking and when you smile with pride he gets the biggest grin on his face and his eyes light up and in those moments, it doesn't matter how tired you are or how bad you look, it doesn't matter that you do it alone, those moments are perfection, happiness, a moment stuck in time and a reminder of a love so strong that nothing can break it.

Aesop's Morals

Remember that random book I told you about that I got for my baby shower, the 'Random reference for the modern parent.' Here's another little bit from it.

Morals in Aesop's Fables

The Boy who Cried Wolf - Liars are not believed when they tell the truth

The Fox who Lost His Tail - Misery loves company

The Goose That Laid Golden Eggs - Much wants more and loses all

The Hare and the Tortoise - Slow and steady wins the race

The Milkmaid and her Pail - Don't count your chickens before they hatch

The Peacock and the Crane - Fine feathers don't make fine birds

The Man and his Two Sweethearts - Those who seek to please everyone, please no one

The Fox and the Goat - Look before you leap

The Farmer and the Stork - Birds of a feather flock together

Tying My Shoes

So my list is up for this year and some things on there are exceptionally small for most people, I however never learned how to tie my shoe laces. I can do bunny ears but the whole loop, swoop and pull thing just boggles my mind. Turns out everyone might be doing it wrong, maybe not as wrong as me but still.

Thanks Jaiden for this, I might be able to tick something off my list already.

Aiden's First Day at school

Very tired mommy and my monster child

Aidens morning face

I just dropped Aiden off at crèche. 

I cried like a baby. 

He didn't. 

I wanted to take him right back home.

He's going to realise what I've done at some point. 

They told me I have to try not lie next to him when I put him to sleep because they are about to do sleep training on him, so I know he's going to cry.

I don't have the car so I can only fetch him at 3pm.