Thursday, April 11, 2013

Aiden, it's about me this time!

Very rarely do I take off the mommy hat and make things about me, it's actually quite impossible because as soon as you even think about doing this your little ones pick up on it and go all kinds of bonka's on you and almost forces you to put the hat back on.

On Saturday night I was throwing myself a party to celebrate my 25 years of life, I warned everyone in advance that although I was throwing it at home I was indeed off mommy duty, for one night, I was just me, a young free 25 year old with a few tequila's in my pocket.

I had a great time! I haven't let my hair down that much since before I had a bun in the oven. With old friends and some new ones who I adore, I had a blast, pink cupcakes, jelly vodka's and cheese puffs were on the menu, with a variety of music and blazing fire and lots of laughs, it was definitely one to remember.

Don't worry Aiden, it's all about you again...and thank you so much for being so well behaved the next day when mommies head was so sore.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Fighting for MY child

Here's the problem with having a child out of wedlock, it's not the baby, that is a blessing, a blessing so wonderful and perfect that it erases all pain and regret. The problem is the ex, the man you could easily walk away from and never even think of again, yes that man is in your life till the day you die. Even if he isn't physically there, he's there, in the back of your head, the pain in your heart, in the out the blue text messages, the random phone calls and in the threats, that one day he can just walk in and see his son after months of not being there, after never paying, the fear that after all you have done he still has a right to decide what school Aiden goes to, what Religion I allow him to practice and even what clothes I put him in.

I went through pregnancy alone, I went through the terror's of a new born baby alone, I went through PND alone, I went through hospital stays alone, I have footed the bill since that plastic pee stick alone, I haven't slept in 16 months, I have changed all the nappies, made all the bottles, done all the school drops and pick ups, I have wiped all the snotty noses, read all the bedtime stories, I was there for all the first moments and all the first words, me, it was all me, this is my son, in no shape or form has Aiden had a father for the last 16 months and it makes me feel physically ill when I hear people call him Aiden's dad because the truth is he is nothing more than a sperm donor.

To say I am angry is an understatement, but wait I wouldn't call it anger, I have become numb to it, I am in disbelief that this is even happening, that I even have to fight for something that is rightfully mine, I am his mother, I am raising him, I have been raising him and now I have to proof to a bunch of strangers that my family and I is what is best for Aiden, I have to spend thousands doing this, hours doing it and hundreds of tears to get me through. 

How is it fair or just. 

He wavered his rights the minute he walked away but now 16 months down the line he can just go about and turn our entire lives upside down because somewhere along the line some fool decided to give men 50% rights to their children, any man, even though most men are dead beat dads, somebody actually made this law.

Somebody decided for my child that it's best to have an unstable, selfish, stoner father come in and out of his life. Yes that's what's best for my child apparently and if I think otherwise for my child then I must fight it and I must fight it as a single mom who gets no maintenance. 

This all makes perfect sense. 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Dear Aiden

You had your first operation done the other day, they cut out a little ball of gross stuff that had been sitting above your eye since you were only 6 weeks old. I was so scared for you to go under and hadn't slept well weeks before your operation and I sat there with tears in my eyes the entire time you were gone behind those doors. You were so brave and you took it better than any of us thought. Just an hour after surgery you were running around like a mad thing as if nothing had even happened. You got 3 stitches and when you woke up the next morning you had a huge swollen black eye, very hard walking around with you looking like that, everybody just looked at us as if we had been beating you. It's just another small thing we have gone through together, survived together and another great story to tell. You fill my life we so many of these and I treasure all these moments no matter if the painful or scary or those of pure joy, they in my heart and will be forever more.

Dear Aiden

My boy we are so blessed to have such amazing people in our lives, that love and support us, who encourage us and keep us going. Always remember that it doesn't matter how much money you have, what job you keep and what material objects you possess what is really important are the people around you. The ones that are always there no matter what. Your family that God gave you and the family you choose of friends and loved ones.

We celebrated Easter and my birthday this Sunday with a few of those special people and how they spoiled us and made us feel on top of the world.