If you aren't a mother you probably shouldn't read this, if you want to be a mother you probably shouldn't read this, if you have a weak stomach or don't like mothers who over share you probably shouldn't read this. You have been warned.
My biggest fear about being a mother must have always been the nappy changing, you learn quickly that this is the easiest part of having a baby and quickly become a pro at changing a stinker in a matter of seconds.
However as Aiden has started teething this week is had become rather traumatic and I am scared to even attempt to change him.
Last week I was having a rest while my dad played with him, when I hear my name being called. I grunted and groaned because seriously can't they handle what ever it is. He needs his nappy changed, why he had to yell like a mad man I could not understand till he passed over a hideously smelling child with gooey yellow shit all over his back.
I thought that was the worst of it, until I peeled off his pants and soon realised it was every where, down his legs, up his tummy, on his feet and hands, all over his clothes. I was sitting there staring at my sweet child covered in his own mess, holding his little red pants by the tips of my fingers, calling my mom to come advise me on how exactly to get this done.
After that I thought it was over, he can't possibly poop like that again, haha, I was so wrong the next morning I put him in my moms bed and went to get him his change of clothes for the day. As I peeled back the duvet, there it was again, poop every where! Once a day should be the normal amount, right, wrong, another whopper came at my friends house, all over her bed.
Now as if this wasn't bad enough and Aiden having a constant smell of frot butternut poop coming off of him. While he was eating the following day, he was pushing, like crazy pushing, so now he was constipated, great, babies in pain are the worst. He finally stops pushing, so I take the nappy off while sitting on the floor in his nursery, a little comes out and I think to myself, quickly cover him before its all over the show.
It happened in a split second, I screamed, my sister screamed and then Aiden screamed because we were screaming. As this exposion came from my small, sweet, child's ass. I can't really explain it as he was constipated so there was a bomb of poop that came out and hit me on my leg, along with this big present came a whole lot of gooey yellow shit, that squirted all over me.
I just sat there, my sister laughing hysterically, I was half laughing, half crying, Aiden was screaming his heart out covered in poop, as well as his carpet and me.
It took a while for me to come to grips with what had just happened and how to go about solving the fact that the only place that wasn't covered in Aidens poop was the ceiling.
This has been a week already and no teeth have popped out, my night time prayer is for them to come to the party and soon, as he is not sleeping, he has vomited all over me twice while I was sleeping, he cries and only wants me and I have gone through three times the amount of nappies and wet wipes I normally go through.
Motherhood is not pretty.