Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Where do fairy-tales begin

As a little girl you dream of Prince Charming, you dream of your white dress, your little house with a picket fence or electric fencing and laser beams, you dream of a puppy or a little pink pig, you dream of having 2 children, you dream of happy Christmas mornings and family Easter egg hunts, you dream of picnic's and soccer games, you dream of the fairy-tale.

You don't dream of falling pregnant, abortion discussions, runaway dads, lonely pregnancy and being a single mom. You don't dream of the battle of bringing in two salaries, constant fear of more rejection and you sure as hell don't dream of having to fight for an innocent little person who you love more than life itself, you don't dream of being scared of loosing your child, you don't dream of the threats of having your baby taken away from you, you don't dream of custody battles, it's not only not a dream, it's not even a possibility, something so unnatural to a woman, to a mother, to a little girl, is unfathomable.

Yet here I sit in my worst nightmare, my stomach is in constant knots, my brain won't turn off for a second, my anxiety levels have sky rocketed and my heart feels like it is constantly in a state of heart break. It's only the beginning and I am already having to dig deep down to find the strength to fight this, finding the emotional stability not to loose it and wanting nothing more than to wake up and for this all to be over.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there Jess. I believe in you and KNOW you are strong enough to get through this. And my prayer for you is this: Once through this ordeal, only plain sailing and tantrums await. *hugs*