Monday, September 16, 2013

I don't want another child

I get the question, "when is number 2 coming?" a lot now that I am in a commited relationship. Or other comments like "you have one you might as well have two" or "just have one now before the age gap between Aiden is too big."'

But quite honestly I dont want another child. I didn't want kids to begin with, yes I love my child with all my heart, he is my life, my joy, my sunshine and he is also all I need.
I don't have this burning desire to bare another, I am in no way broody and I love my neat and calm little family of now three.

I didn't just make this decision out of pure selfishness, I have been thinking of having another child for a while and although there have been one or two crazy moments where I thought it would be nice in the bigger picture I never see myself having another or wanting one.

My reasoning.

1. Everyone says if you have one you might as well have two. It's the same thing, if not easier. I don't believe a word of it because when I was pregnant no one told me how hard one is so I highly doubt this statement. Everyone who says that is probably doubly or triply sleep deprived or can't actually remember how hard having a kid is. And that's the thing Aiden is 2 months shy of his second birthday and he still doesn't sleep through the night and now people want me to do it again, you all mad. And lets face facts if I had number 2 it would be after I am married so lets base that in the next 3 - 4 years coz I ain't rushing and then Aiden will be 5 or 6 and I must start all the way at the beginning.

2. Financial reasons. Having a second child is selfish and stupid because I simply can't afford another one. It has taken me up to now to be standing firmly on two feet and I've finally moved out of the folks place. I just make ends meet. Plus I can give one child an amazing upbringing with great education and opportunities now I must split that between 2. Doesnt make sense.

3. Fear of the unknown. I have a child who all he has is me. I am his only parent. Yes Brad loves and adores him, yes he treats him as if he was his own but he doesnt have his own and I can honestly say I would never love another child as much as my own flesh and blood so its easier said than done and I don't want Aiden ever feeling like he isn't quite part of a family. Aiden was here first, he is my first priority. This fear may subside but for now it is my reality

4. Only child syndrome my ass. My siblings are probably going to pop out a good few, especially my sister. All my friends have kids, he goes to school and plays with kids all day, our neighbours all have kids. It's kids deluxe every where you look. He'll be fine and he'll never be lonely.

5. Its my body and its my decision. I've had a child in a pretty messed up situation. The last few years have been more than tough, I know first hand that having a child should never be a slap dash decision or an oopsie because its a little person and that little person depends on you to make smart and thought out decisions.

6. My body. Not my skinny body just my general health. I hated and I mean hated pregnancy and I still remember it clearly. I was in and out of hospital and almost had Aiden earlier than I had him. It was hard and from my pregnancy I developed hyperglycemia and I've just been diagnosed with insulin resistance. Imagine what a second pregnancy might do to me.

So unless its an act of God that I fall pregnant, my loop stays firmly in place.
I do take my hat off to woman who have more than one actually take my hat off to any mother. I don't judge those who have big families if it works for you that's great but it doesn't work for me, its not part of my goals or dreams.

I love my unconventional, unmarried, family of 3 individuals who all love each other for who we are and not for what society expects us to be. We perfect just the way we are. Why change it.


  1. I agree Jess. Its your life and right now living is very pricey. We know what having nothing is like and its not fun. Aiden is more than enough! On the day you feel like having a little girl, put a dress on Aiden. He is so pretty he would suit the part. I've had 3 and I would never change that, but financially, we are still recovering and still needing in one way or another to support you guys. Casey is with a family with 10 kids, theya re super rich but never see their children. So I think make one child happy, healthy and wise! Its a big enough job as it is!

  2. It is always your and Brad;s decision only. But I am an only child and the only thins I can tell you is the older I get the more I miss having siblings Cousins are not the same - especially when you are all grown up and have your own lives

  3. Honestly, I totally get your argument! I agree with it and if I had known then what I know now I would have stopped at one (no I don't wish my kids away and I love our big family) but I often look at parents with one kid and feel my kids missed out a little!

    AND the worst reason to have a kid is because you feel you should not because you want to!!!

  4. Jess, you know, it's your choice to make and no one's business really. I think you're smart because you have obviously thought this through and you have valid reasons.