Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The reality which is Separation Anxiety

I often looked at kids who clung to their moms and never understood how they got that way, why would you raise your child to be so dependant on you being in the room and always thought, what were they doing wrong.

The truth is, it's nothing you do wrong, nothing you do differently, some kids are just like that.

I never thought my child would be, I am a very independent person and I truly thought that would rub off on Aiden. He is in a home of 4 people and with a big extended family. We often around other people, between church and youth groups, always being at friends and him going to school from 5 months, I really thought I wouldn't struggle with it but I have and it is tiring.

Now he doesn't kick and scream, well with certain people he does but he likes people and is fine in large groups and after an hour or so, he falls into place and is free. If he happens to see me or my sister or parents, he stops, looks around and then dashes to us but will soon feel safe and go about his usual ways.

Aiden has been screaming every day when we drop him off at school and when I do drop offs, he clings to me and looks at me with these eyes of utter heartbreak, today was the first time, I dropped him off and he looked at me and went to play with other kids, I am hoping this is the end of the phase and I am hoping I will be able to leave him alone more often.

He freaks whenever one of leaves a room and if he wakes at night and I'm not the one he see's, he'll cry and be unsettled for hours.

When I went to Cape Town a few weeks ago, I went alone, he was fine, he didn't notice till I got back, and in the car, he just sat there, staring at me, looking like he couldn't understand where I had been and then things got worse, if I am in the room he insists I be by him, giving him my full attention, if people are over he makes sure he is with me and won't fall asleep and when we out, he always makes sure he can see me.

I really need this to pass and I really want him to be able to interact with other people and learn from them not just from me.

I don't know how to make him know that I will always come back and that I will always be a safe distance away, it breaks my heart.


  1. Its sucky hey!!! It's a "milestone" - it passes but while it happens it does suck a little.

    He is learning that you will come back - so you got to keep telling him you love him etc :) This is an action speaks louder than words phase I am afraid!

  2. Going through exactly the same thing at the moment. Can't put my little girl down for a minute! They say that playing hiding games work and trying to get them attached to an object like a blanket or teddy so they can take it everywhere. That's what I'm trying. Hope it passes soon, it's exhausting!

  3. Zoe had terrible separation anxiety. So bad she would cry when she went to my mom or sometimes even cry when Donovan took her. It was tiring, upsetting and it took alot out of me. I always felt guilty! But guess what, they do grow out of it so just try and savour him now because one day he'll be all grown up and all you'll want is for him to want / need you like he does now :)