I'm finally over the 12 weeks of pregnancy, funny thing is though I woke up expecting to feel the best I've felt in 3 months but once again I woke up nauseous and tired. I'm so pissed off you have no idea coz I have a sneaky suspicion I'm gonna be one of those lucky ladies who is sick for the whole damn pregnancy. Along with this devastating news I have this constant nagging, like somethings wrong, all I want to do is go to the doctor so I can have a scan and hear that heart beat again and my next appointment is only in 2 weeks.
I had quite an eventful weekend, it was my baby sisters Debutantes Ball, she has been working up to this evening for a year now and the day had finally arrived. I had been looking forward to it to, when I wasn't single and knocked up, somehow going to a Ball with this title isn't the fairy tale I envisioned to ever happen to me even if it wasn't my night. Well in preparation for this night I thought let me buy a dress just before the evening coz I had no idea how quickly my belly would be growing, so on Thursday I went and bought myself the cutest, 1950's inspired, floral 'Forever New' dress and it fitted me perfectly. It was only 2 days, 2 damn days, and my belly basically doubled in size. I did get the dress closed, but boy was it a long evening...it honestly felt like I was suffocating the poor thing in there and if it would fit in my tiny clutch I would of taken off the bra that was squashing my poor boobs not caring that it was freezing cold and I would of pulled a Britney moment. I still managed to have a great night, even managed to dance a bit without passing out but as soon as I got into the car, the bow was off, zip was down and I was trying to get the stupid clasp of my bra loose but just couldn't, so I just gave up and prayed for a fast ride home.
Mother's Day - I can't believe I'm actually going to be a mother, responsible for another human being. God must have a great sense of humour coz I still can't see the point to all of this. I woke up to a phone call at 7.30 in the morning. Darell phoning to wish me a "Happy Mothers day," I bet you all going "Awwwwwwwwwwww Sweet" I did to, and it was but where the fuck is he. He calls every other day and comes to visit every second week, but he's not the one dealing with my emotions, or trying to find me the perfect food just so I can actually keep something down and he's not the one wiping my tears away when it all feels to much. I know he'll be around when the baby is actually out but how is that fair or just. I don't want to get back together with him, I actually wanna wake up and it was all a dream. Don't get me wrong I love my baby and I don't want to miscarry, but I do wish none of this ever happened, that it was never there to begin with because I don't think I'd handle loosing the baby but I just don't see how this is all going to work out.
The debilitating tiredness and nauseas only disappeared closer to 19 weeks with my first pregnancy and 13 or 14 weeks with my second. I’ll keep my fingers and toes crossed that you aren’t one of those moms who lucked out and had morning sickness for the full 40 weeks…I’ve never come across anyone and I do believe you’ll start feeling better soon. Just hang in there!
ReplyDelete