I told you so

What I'm about to tell you is going to make woman pro "natural" sing "Hallelujah" and a lot of people are going to say "I told you so" but after everything I would still choose to have a C-section.

It's been a crazy two weeks and only really got to enjoy my time with Aiden and get into the swing of the whole mothering thing this week.

So last week Sunday after a really good few days after being out of hospital and me thinking I am recovering great from the C-section, I was breast feeding and I got this terrible cramp. I couldn't even hold Aiden. I called my mom for help and she continued to feed him with a bottle. I layed there paralysed in pain, literally screaming from the pain. It felt like child birth. It lasted about 30 minutes before getting freezing cold, this during a heat wave. I didn't even think, fever, I don't know these things.

I woke up and was still in pain but not as bad and thought maybe this was just my uterus contracting. I even phoned my OB Gyn and the nurse said all woman are different and I was going in the next day so I just shrugged it off.

By late afternoon I was still feeling freezing and the pain was so bad after every feed I decided to sms my mid wife. She immediately sms'd back and told me it sounds like an infection I must go to the hospital.

Casualty phoned my doctor and he admitted me straight away, this breaking my heart, my baby, what about my baby. I couldn't imagine not being with him and I didn't care what was wrong with me.

My fever was up to 38 and they did blood work and knocked me out with sleeping pills and pain killers.

I woke up to finding out I had a liver infection.

I would have to stay in hospital another night.

Another night without my baby.

Another night not breastfeeding.

I felt like death.

I really was worried I was going to die from this infection.

The next day even though I knew and the doctor knew I wasn't ready to go home, he let me go as long as I medicate at home, take it easy and enjoy being with my baby.

The next day, truly still ill and still feeling like I would never recover, I find my cut is now infected on top of having a liver infection.

I'm home but I can't look after my own baby, I was stuck in bed and everybody doing everything around me.

I felt useless. I felt like a bad mother. I fell into baby blues.

I cried when nobody was watching. I felt like I failed. I felt like everybody thought I failed.

I am finally getting better, slowly but surely. I'm looking after Aiden more and more on my own each day and loving every second of him.