12 Days!

I know I've been quiet for a while, not because of depression or because I'm suicidal, shocking I know. Just smothered with work from one of my numerous jobs I have. For the past 3 weeks I have been a type setter, amazing money but working with editors and publishers is like working with the devils workers and my brain is now fried.

Peanut is growing rapidly or more my belly, I'm really starting to look like a pregnant woman and there is no way to hide it. I keep buying clothes to fit thinking I'll be this size for a month or so but no it's more like a week and against my mothers better judgement I refuse to buy clothes 2-3 sizes bigger than what I am on that current day. It's okay I'll just have a huge jumble sale after all this is over, clothes for every size for the pregnant woman.

Well I'm 4 months preggers, can you believe it how time is flying, this is not a good thing because I was supposed to spend this pregnancy sorting out my disaster of a life so when the baby is here, I'm not still a complete mess but it doesn't seem to be happening. I don't really know where I'm going anymore or where I want to go, I was thinking of doing a kiddies and babies label, use my fashion to suit my life seeing as traveling and fashion shows and cocktail parties are out, at least for a while. I like the cute baby stuff but dressing my kid in winnie-the-pooh is just not me and whether my baby likes it or not Peanut will be a stylish kid. So I'm considering on creating a online store, this would be perfect with my fashion background and the fact that my father owns a silk-screening company, so I can print on anything for free. I know it sounds awesome, my problem is getting of my depressed ass and getting things going. I can do anything and my parents will always support and help my dreams come true but I just feel overwhelmed.

12 Days!!!! Thats when I find out what Peanut is, I'm so excited and so nervous and literally can't wait those measly 12 Days to go by. The problem with this wait is my morning sickness has finally stopped, I have so much energy I want to move furniture around at 11 at night and wait for it, wait for it, I'm getting excited about my baby. Well finally starting the nursery and actually start buying things as for having the baby, I'm actually shitting myself, I've been watching my friend with my God-Son who I still can't hold and not even she is copying and she is your natural born maternal mother. Then when I watch older kids running around all over the show, I still can't seem to find it in my heart to like them. Kid's irritate me and scare me, and somehow I'm supposed to raise one without fucking it up!