Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Just tell me what to do

It all happened so quickly, it's all happening so quickly, sometimes I just want to stop and breath but then that also happens so quickly. It feels like my life is over, this is it, forever. I can no longer be a care free girl in her twenty's. Don't stress I haven't fallen into a black whole of nothingness again, I'm actually quite content with my life but I think that's only because I'm only focusing on one day at a time and every now and then I realise I have so many decisions to make all at once and I have always chosen the wrong decision so now I doubt everyone I think is the right one. So I'm going around and around in circles.

Darell and I are on good terms again, thank goodness because this actually makes my life a hundred times easier and less stressful. We speak on a daily basis and I guess together we are excited about our son because sometimes it's hard to be excited with everybody else because they all have so many opinions about the situation where Darell and I can talk about the fun stuff and laugh about the stupid stuff we have done to get us into this mess in the first place. Him and his lady aren't working out, a thank God moment, as I would never actually let my kid near the woman and so it would most likely end in court if they stay together, this however effects my extreme soft spot for bad boys and I actually feel sorry for the bastard and every now and then I contemplate taking him back. This is one of the decisions that keep going around and around in my head. I know what you all saying, "DON'T do it" "DON'T be stupid" and I know this to be true but I always see the best in the worst of men as proof of this, when I was 16 I dated a drug dealer and my love of 5 years turned into a crack head and I forgave him a thousand and one time's before moving on.

Then there's a question, can a guy actually want to be with me while I'm pregnant with another man's child. It doesn't seem logical to me but I think it's actually happened, now ofcourse it's a good guy, one of those guys who would actually wait for you to be ready and when I say wait I mean fully wait for me, no in between nookie or anything. but I just feel it wouldn't be fair to anybody, I don't even think the situation is fair on me, never mind making someone else be a part of it and chances are, I'll break the good guys heart I always do just so I can get my heart broken by the bad boys habits.

You see I already know what the right decision is, I know which one would be best for me and I know which one you all think I should make but I still can't seem to make these decisions, because my head is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me two things and I always say what if this bad boy can actually change. I'm hopeless aren't I.

1 comment:

  1. What a tough decision but you aren’t in any rush to make it, are you? Take your time on this and follow your gut feel and your heart. Woman’s intuitions hardly let us down and when something seems wrong it normally is.

    Good luck and just remember it’s okay to be single too if that's what is going to make you happy :)