Laughter 101

I started reading a devotional book called "The coffee mom devotional", it is Christian based but don't worry I'm not about to Bible bash you, but it's about this mom who writes about overcoming and getting through mommy things and days and it's all surrounded by her need for the perfect cup of coffee in the morning because it's the only 'perfect'part of her day.

Well Sunday's little story was all about "A shot of laughter", long story short it was about learning to laugh at yourself and the embarrassing things you do, the things that aren't so important and even the things that are important but didn't go quite according to plan.

"When we begin to take our failure non-seriously, it means we are ceasing

to be afraid of them. It is of immense importance

to learn to laugh at ourselves."

KATHERINE MANSFIELD

Simple right, um not really. I started Monday thinking she's right, I am way to serious and I dwell on things instead of laughing and moving on. I have stopped being happy because I have been living in the negative. So I was going to laugh more.

Boy, did I fail miserably.

I'm not really sure if I have baby blues or maybe I am just past exhaustion. Emotionally, mentally and physically worn out.

These are my reasons for not finding life funny right now and why crying and having anxiety attacks are more appropriate.

1. I haven't slept for longer than 3 hours in 11 weeks.
2. Going from waking up twice a night and then starting my day at 5am, Aiden now wakes up at 1am then about 3.45am and cries till 6 am, sleeps till maybe 7am and cries some more, then again 8am wakes up laughing.
3. I then work and look after Aiden.
4. So from 3.45am till 3pm when my mom comes home I juggle work and looking after a baby.
5. At 3pm my mom doesn't take Aiden, she takes over work and I then look after Aiden.
6. In between this I am washing a sterilizing bottles.
7. Then it's night time duties and sometimes my dad takes Aiden until he's miserable of course then I get him back.
8. I'm lucky if I get to bath 2 days in a row.
9. My skin is bad from stress.
10. My hair is falling out from stress.
11. My baby went from quiet, calm angel to moaning and crying for no apparent reason.
12. Did I mention my regrowth, hairdresser please, that's a dream in itself.

I could go on and on but then it would just border on self pity and I don't want to go there again. I'm just struggling to find the balance I need so that I can laugh when Aiden shits on me, and I can laugh when I drop his bottle before I get the lid on and waste a sterilized bottle, sterilized water and 6 scoops of formula, I wish I was in the right mind set to tell my sister off when she openly tells me I look like crap instead of crying my eyes out.

I want to laugh again. I want to laugh so hard I can't breath, rolling on the floor hysterically and I want to be doing that, laughing at myself.