Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Co-sleeping Nightmare - Night One

Maybe Aiden is a spoilt child, I'm not really sure, listening to him cry is not something I ever do. I normally pick him up or give him his dummy or do whatever he needs to make it stop. I am blessed with a child who doesn't really cry often, he never cries for no reason and is in general a happy baby.

So it started off pretty well, he passed out right after his bath and I tucked him in into his cot. He was sleeping soundly, he stirred once or twice but seemed content sleeping in his own bed. Till he woke up, I got up and gave him his dummy and walked away.

Two seconds later he was screaming blue murder and I was hiding under my blanket trying to bloke out the sound. My dear sister just looked at me and said 'I can't, I just can't!' She picked him up and rocked him a bit and I told her to put him back. He screamed and screamed and what felt like an hour but in reality was only maybe 3 minutes, I had to take him out I just did. I settled him down and put him back in his cot awake and a few minutes later he was fast asleep.

I think I was more heart broken going to sleep in an empty bed and part of me just wanted to go get him and hold on tight and never let go. I never feel alone with Aiden, he gives me the ability to ignore all the bad in my life and pretend that everything is fine. Yes I realised all this just from putting him in his cot.

I eventually fell asleep and woke to his horrifying screams at about 1.30am, I was so disorientated and confused and my word is it cold at that time of night, why I chose to do this in the middle of winter is beyond me. I stumbled more like saw my ass, tripping over all Aidens toys and finally got him. I just picked him up and held him till he fell asleep.

Then I took both of us to my bed and we snuggled till morning.

Yes night one = fail!

1 comment:

  1. Don't think of it as fail, think of it as a step in the right direction.
    I so hear you on hearing them cry, it's heart wrenching but you don't have to do cry it out, there are other forms of sleep training that are far gentler and less traumatic for us mama's!
    Hang in there and don't put too much pressure on yourself, if you're not feeling up to it or it doesn't feel right then don't do it.