I have tried to write this post on Saturday, Sunday, then Monday came and that was a day of note. Then all of a sudden Tuesday and Wednesday came and went.
I really didn't think things could get worse or more crazy, I didn't think I deserved anymore pain or heart ache, isn't it shared out or something. Sometimes you have to limit yourself to what you say out loud, limit yourself to what you share. Sometimes it's just because if you keep it in then it won't feel so real, you can pretend for a little longer that you can actually be happy in this nightmare that is your life. Then it's because it is actually you're reality and sharing it can make everything you've worked so hard to protect come tumbling down, because it's going to hurt the ones you love more than anything because you I actually just can't face it right now.
On Sunday I was begging God, I was screaming for him to listen. I didn't think anything else could happen, honestly, I didn't think I could handle anymore.
I learnt never to scream at God, never challenge him, because he'll just prove you wrong. Monday morning my mom and I were on our way to do some shopping, when we got a phone call, my dad had collapsed at the office and we had to go get him and take him to the hospital. My dad is a big man, a strong man a man of very little emotions.
I walked into the factory to find my dad covered in blood and not responding to us, he couldn't talk, he couldn't walk and he had tears in his eyes. I always seem to be there at his worst possible moments. We don't always have the strongest relationship and I tend to need to be shocked out of my mind to show people love and affection.
So I spent Monday in hospital, my dad had a stroke and doctors and hospitals are useless and never want to give you any information.
I have another bladder infection, and I am supposed to be not stressing, off my feet and trying not to have my baby before my C-section that has now been booked for the 14th November.
Because my dad has been in hospital I have had to go into work here and there to help out.
Bunting, haha, let's not even go there, I don't even know what we feeding the 80 people who are coming to my baby shower.
I need to pack my hospital bag, I don't know how many scares I have to have before I do this small but very important task.
My anti-biotics I am on make me feel absolutely awful.
I got terrible sun-burn from going out of town for a day, which makes sleeping even more wonderful.
All in all, I'm having a really crappy week.