I have very few close friends, I have lots of friends but very few that know me inside out. Yes i write this and I am open and I am honest but it is also limited and if I had to truly write what my heart and mind truly feel. They'd either lock me up, highly medicate me, I'd loose a lot more friends and my family would be highly pissed off at me...ALL the time.
I am always being moaned at about having to many walls, being to unemotional, being cold, being detached and never letting people in, and never trusting people.
Well guess what I was right and you were all wrong!
People just use and abuse you. People disappoint you. People hurt you. People don't actually care. People are selfish. People just are people.
And I am going back to being closed off and unemotional because at least when I was that I actually remember smiling and having fun. If you don't care and if you don't bother caring if other people care you can't get hurt. If you don't let people in, they can't disappoint you.
But it's okay, my walls are going back up, I have remembered what I need to about people and how they treat each other.
I am a cold-hearted bitch, have been for years and you know what, being that has always gotten me further, kept a smile on my face, gotten rid of bull shitters and freed up all that wasted time giving people the chance to be something other than people.
you know, now that I think about it, becoming a mom shifted my focus from myself onto my child. Now, as long as I am happy with who I am, I don't actually care about what other people - except a very special few - think about me. Not because I've built up walls, but because I really, truly don't care.
ReplyDeleteOnce your little man is born and you hold him in your arms you will realise the same: that very, very little matters other than him. You'll realise that you don't need to waste your time (which has all of a sudden become very scarce and very precious) on people who aren't worth it, and you will be fine with that. You will treasure those people who are, even more.
You'll start to notice that the things others do/say have less of an effect on you, and the things that make your heart jump will be Aiden's smile or cry. You won't need your walls anymore, because you'll be too busy making sure he doesn't need walls of his own.