I'll probably only let you read any of this blog when you 18 or maybe 21 or maybe never. I can't imagine you learning the truth about how much adults can screw up and I don't want you to be hurt by any of our mistakes.
I think about it every day, how this is all going to effect you How much it's going to hurt you. What questions you will ask, what questions you will be to afraid to ask.
Sometimes I just look at you and cry, I wish I could take the pain away that I know you are going to feel, I know either way you are going to be hurt. I have tried to think of every solution I can but there is no way out of this mess.
I am sorry, I truly am, if I could take it all away I would, if I could carry all your pain just so you feel none of it I would.
Just know I tried, I tried to give you the family you deserved. I was forgiving and understanding and kind and it all back fired. I tried to give him a chance to prove himself, to pay his way, to see you as much as he wanted and it didn't work out.
I am fighting for you not for me, if I could afford it all on my own I would, I work hard and I am trying every way I can to make money but sometimes life just throws you lemons and you have to make do. I have been left with no choice but to go to court and because of it I have been called some nasty names, I don't care what they think and I hope you don't care what others think either. All I want is for you to know is that I am doing it for you so you don't suffer or miss out on opportunities because I can't pay for everything on my own.
I also want you to know, none of this is your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you. No matter how much me and your father are fighting right now, we both love you. So does your dad, I know he does, things are just really bad at the moment, and I can't promise you that he will always be there and I can't promise you that he will win dad of the year but I know in his heart he loves you but I know those words don't always help, most of the time actions speak louder than words.
All I ask is please don't let this all bring you down in life, rather let it make you stronger than let it defeat you. You are an amazing individual already and you can have and be anything your heart desires and I will be there for you every step of the way.