Friday, September 9, 2011

Fear of Soccer Mom's

Did I ever mention I never actually wanted children or marriage, but children was definitely never on my plan. Not because I'm young and still partying, I'm just not maternal or openly affectionate. I think babies are ugly and toddlers running around actually aggravate me. People couldn't believe I was pregnant because they to could never imagine me pregnant or being a mom. Actually my mother looks at me on a daily basis and says, "Oh my, you actually pregnant, it's so weird!"

I guess one reason I shouldn't be a mom is because I am extremely selfish but I never wanted them because I never wanted the responsibility of f*cking one up, I've done a good job on my own life so why torture a poor helpless soul. Along with that I always wanted a high powered career, social life and travelling. I love being able to do what I want when I want with out worrying about anything or anybody but myself. Ask my mom, she stopped trying to tell me what to do at I think, 15.

Now along with all that is I have an absolute fear of the ultimate "Soccer mom." My mom is so far from one of these it's not even funny but in a lot of ways she is a mom and has mom tendencies. I don't even think mom's realise they have these or do these things, and I am terrified of falling into that trap. Add to all of this, last year I was young, hot and free. I could have any guy I damn well pleased and I played it to the fullest potential now I am a mom and will be limited to a few who have a fetish for the whole "milf" thing. It's an awful word we really need to get a new one.

I have basically been my sister's taxi for the past few weeks and it's what brought around my logic for this post. I have been observing mothers all around me and it's starting to freak me out. Fetching her from school, the mother cliques, that stand at the gate chatting about how amazing there little genius is. They all wear those "Juicy" type track suits and there child is perfectly groomed to perfection. ( not to bothered, it will never be)

Here are some that scare me, there are parking spaces, lots of them, we all park in them, all the kid's have to walk to the car, except a few, that double park us in or block the road to the cars behind them, so there kid only has to walk a meter to the car. They don't seem to hear the hooters or see the irritated faces. They are oblivious to the world because they have a pass because they are a mother.

Then a few meters down the road the next mom in front of you, slams on breaks causing a traffic jam and you can see her stretching over trying to sort out what I'm guessing is spilt milk. Now I understand if your kid is squirting blood from his ear but can't the spilt milk just soak up calming next to last weeks orange juice mess, so that the rest of us can get back to work or deal with our own child, or the one that nearly popped out of me when I had to slam on breaks so damn hard.

My biggest pet peeve right now, is the question "What is the time?" mom's love this question, it's insane, my mom asks it exactly every 15 minutes. Even if we watching a dvd. She has a watch on, she owns a cell phone and it's only been 15 minutes since we last told her but she has to ask and she HAS to know. Else it's like the world is coming to an end.

The say "hello" say "thank you" thing. Even at 23 I'm still told to do this and it is so embarrassing, here's the thing though we not even given time to do it ourselves before we hear this coming from the background and I've witnessed every mother do this. Including the wiping of the face with spit, asking a hundred times if you have everything, demanding of a sweater being worn even if you travelling through the desert, that includes shoes because without them you will develop pneumonia and die but with all this, they forget everything else and take forever to get out the car and choose a parking space.

No offence to any mom's out there who have any of these traits and do any of these things on a daily basis, I hope you actually laughing at yourself when you imagine what you look like to the rest of the world and lets face it, I'm on my way to a few of these if not all, I am going to fight it though for as long as possible. As proof I haven't completely lost myself to the dark side of mommy-dome, my folks went away this weekend and I did grocery shopping by myself for me and my sister. This is what I walked out with:

  • 6 pack Super M strawberry milk
  • Pack of Flapjacks 
  • Box of milo ice-creams
  • Cheese naks
  • Fruitos
  • Box pizza
  • Box of microwave chicken nuggets
  • Ultramel toffee puddings
  • Banana's
  • Milk n Bread
Extreme irresponsibility but it made me feel young, hot and free again!!!


  1. I am now a proper soccer mom - I sit next to the soccer field three times a week just to prove it :)

    It is not what I planned. Up to about 3/4 years ago I never wanted to be THIS mom but then my kids hit primary school and life got crazy and now I am sitting next to the field discussing with other moms what we made for dinner and I love it :)

    And that list you made - if thats all your kid will eat then its all you will buy - soccer mom or not :) We have alot of that in our house right now :-p

  2. Thats why I wanted a boy, soccer coaches are a lot hotter than ballet teachers :p

  3. I'll tell you a secret...Mom's ask the time so we can work out how many more hours & minutes before we get some peace ;)