Have I lost my mind? No, I'm just pregnant.
Are some of the emotions I feel real? Yes, it's to be expected.
Am I easy to be around? For some, for my family sadly not.
Do I want to run away? YES
Am I going to get over myself and deal with the shit I made for myself and can only blame myself for? OFCOURSE...else I wouldn't be me.
I hate pregnancy, I have from day one and in my situation it hasn't made it any easier, I can't wait for it to be over. Honestly though, people ask if I'll have more kids after this and if I'll ever let myself love another man. Yes I will, I might even get married, and if a man can actually make me love him that much to do something that crazy and stupid I'll even give him ONE child and it will be nice to feel what pregnancy feels like with a loving, supportive person by my side.
Not for a while though!!!
Ante-natal classes are something to be warned of, I am learning stuff but it's not really making me excited for my bundle of joy. It's just reassuring me why I didn't want kids in the first place.
Reason 1 - cleaning up another humans shit, we saw pictures of all the different kinds of shit that can come out of your oh so sweet and precious little angel! Not so sweet after all!
Reason 2 - Projectile vomit and the fact that I have to clean it.
Reason 3 - Screaming, crying and no more sleep, ever!
Reason 4 - After 9 months sobriety, I can't drink when breastfeeding either, can anybody shout NAN!
I have learnt other stuff, like I now have a reason to only let in visitors those first weeks at specific times, I was trying to find a way to tell people politely how I actually just don't want most of you to visit because you don't ever visit now and entertaining you is the last thing I want. So now I will only allow people to come see Aiden for an hour in the day because I don't want to Over-Stimulate him and cause him to become a screaming baby! You all wondering if it's you I don't want here... probably is :)
My baby shower is in like two weeks, have I started that bunting, hahaha, no. I'm going to knock it this weekend though. 20m bunting I can do it, with the help of my super mom and no I'm not leaving out the bunting, it's the reason I chose my theme to begin with.
My baby room is basically complete, just needs curtains and a carpet, this amazing woman, who doesn't even know me gave me a beautiful cot and compactum, what for it, for free! In perfect condition, I'll say it again for free! That stuff is worth a fortune, so when I am done with it I'm going to pay it forward and give all my baby stuff to an orphanage.