Everybody seems to be finding it really strange when I say I go to church again on Sundays and I'm a youth leader on Friday's. People actually take a step back, you get less invites and even if they've known me for years they immediately judge me as your stereo-typical church goer.
I've been in both worlds and questioned both and that's why I can say I am who I am regardless of what anybody says, whether it's the person in church sitting next to me and thinks I say "Shit" to much or my friend who hates Christians and argues with me to try prove I'm incorrect. You either like me the way I am or keep walking because I won't change.
Now I know why most people hate church, trust me I do, I haven't been going for 7 years and if I didn't get knocked up and became sober on Sunday mornings I probably wouldn't be back. Still today I don't really love church, I don't like conformity and rules and I don't like people who live in boxes and unfortuantly that's what a great part of church is. I don't live in that part, believe in that part or take part in that part and there are a lot of us who are actually like that.
Like any organization in life though, you have to remember the goal for that certain group or ideal. When you at work it's a product or customer. Friends it's a relationship. Family it's love. Gym it's fitness and so forth and church it's God, you have to block out all the politics and opinions and focus on what's important.
Now in no way am I a bible basher, I don't shout it from the roof tops and in no way limit myself to a set way of living and I expect no one to have the same beliefs as I do. I have friends from all walks of life and that will never change. I've always had a thing that I don't talk about politics and religion and I always said I won't talk about it on my blog.
However, as everything goes in life at certain stages, some things are a bigger part in your lifes as others and right now this is in my life. So occasionally it will come up. Being brought up in a Christian home my belief in God has always been there and I have always had strong faith. Whether I went to church on Sundays or not. Whether I was doing drugs or partying hard or doing charity work I have never denied that belief or that love.
What I can say is this year has been one of the toughest I have ever been through ever, I have lost a lot and I have gained a lot. I can say with no doubt that if it wasn't for God I'd probably of had an abortion, I would of run as far as my legs would allow. If it wasn't for the people I met at church and the genuine friendships I have made I would of crumbled and fell.
They say God works in mysterious ways. I am living proof of that. Trust me I'm as stubborn as they come and He has worked really hard at getting me to listen and sort my life out and I really believe this was the only way to get me on some sort of track of stability.
Is it easy, no, there are those who have passed comments and judgments on my life and I do just want to walk away, but then there are those who have been there for me through all this. Who have been more excited about my son than I have. Who have given me the most encouraging words and haven't let me give up.
The reason for all this. The biggest lesson I have learned through this whole nightmare is, people are people, we all have issues, we all going through stuff and most of us are actually good people with good hearts and are just taken the wrong way. We judge way to quickly. We point fingers and stop listening because people are a certain way. We forget that that is probably there only way to cope.