Thursday, September 29, 2011

Put me in a Nut House!

My feet are swollen or maybe I have just acquired fat feet. I wake up with these fat feet and they just enlarge through the day. The hot and itchy and most of the time don't fit into all my beautiful shoes. At time's I seriously would just saw them off that's how much they bother me.

Who said pregnancy is beautiful?

Okay so I have just over a month to go, maybe a month depending what the doctor decides tomorrow. I can't believe I have made it here already but I'm not sure how I'm going to survive the next last bit or how anybody around me is going to survive either.

So I was thinking maybe I should just ask my doctor to put me in a nut house for the next month. It's probably safer for all those concerned and probably best for my unborn child, seeing as I am a ticking time bomb and I heard stress and anxiety are bad for babies.

Don't worry I'm not making fun of the nut house or the nutters. I have already been there before so I have earned my stripes at being allowed to joke about the mentally ill.

I was in the psych ward for 2 weeks of my life. It was a holiday of note and when I think about it I should of tried to stay longer. It was over 3 years ago but I still remember all of it so clearly. I had a dream about it last night, I really want to go back just for a mini vacation before the baby comes. Only problem is I'll have to miss out on all the drugs they give you and they are kind of a big part of the appeal.

You floating on a cloud all day and then knocked out like the perfect sleeping baby every night. You have a bell that people answer to. You are served 4 course meals 3 times a day, and the food is honestly amazing. You get to see a psychologist everyday and do workshops like beading and yoga. I got a massage every morning and you could even book mani's and pedi's. People love you when you in hospital and they bring you flowers and chocolates and balloons that you get to organise every morning. You surrounded by very high people who are all little off somehow and so you constantly laughing and hearing the most bizarre stories.

They keep the serious nutters in there own room... and when they freak out in the hall they get needle spiked in the neck and you get more drugs so you can sleep that night.

Oh and to make it all better, medical aid paid for the whole shanagan.

Don't worry I'm not mentally ill or at least I have chosen not to be. I did mention how I had been and done probably every crazy and stupid and strange thing one can do in life. This however was a stupid doctor and a wrong diagnoses but it was an experience I will remember and love forever.

Seriously send me there, please!!!

1 comment:

  1. I so agree. I'm the biggest pregnant woman who has ever lived, according to assholes on the street, who randomly tell me how huge I am.

    I'm feeling okay but boy, do I hate humanity today!

    Almost over, so hang in there!