Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I really do love you

I started this blog the first week I found out I was pregnant, it was anonymous and I sent the link to only a few close friends and family. I tried to keep my pregnancy a secret for a long time. Not sure what the point of that was but in the beginning I was embarrassed and ashamed and devastated that I was a statistic.

I couldn't believe that I, had become a girl who got knocked up and left and destined to become a single mom. I have made so many mistakes in my life, been a drug addict, bulimia, dated really horrible men, kicked out of school and so forth. I'm in no way innocent of stuff up's but I always knew that this wasn't my mistake to make. Falling pregnant with a man's child who didn't love me. Not possible. I'm a bit of a prude, really I am, not in a sense of innocence more in the sense I really don't sleep around and truly believe in trying to have only one partner not only in marriage just one person. No D was not my first, goodness gracious wouldn't that be a disaster. I just never saw myself in this situation.

Where I'm going with this is, my blog was me trying to keep sane privately and letting those close to me know what was going on because everybody was so worried. I still don't really know how it came to be such a read blog as my writing is mediocre and my spelling and grammar is terrible (you should see all the red underlined words I have to correct as I write posts).

I love my blog not because it's loved but because it honestly makes me feel loved, it makes me feel normal, it makes me feel less guilty for my feelings, it makes me feel like I'm going to be okay and I'm not the only one out there in the nightmare I call my life. I feel all this because of all of you. Your comments and constant support do not go unnoticed and often bring me to tears.

This last week or so has been tough and I really have been struggling and at times wish for an easy way out. So this post is dedicated to you all, your words have meant the world to me and have kept me calm when all I want to do is scream, made me smile when I saw no light actually when I saw no tunnel, your advice as been great and lending a helping hand has touched my heart.

Aiden is kicking his heart out while I write this post, so I'm taking it as he's thanking you to.

1 comment:

  1. I love reading your blog! It let's me know that I'm not the only one out there struggling with certain things, and that it's okay to struggle, and that between all the struggle there are good times and positive things as well. And that I am, thus, normal!!

    Once again, LOVE your blog. I have it bookmarked along with Natasha's Raising men.

    - Ann