If you ever did meet me you would think I was sweet and innocent, I have one of those faces. It's how I've gotten away with so much and how I get what I want when I want it. It won't take you long to realise I'm far from bubbly and loud, you can mistake my reservation and quietness as rude and stuck up or you can carry on thinking the whole candy like niceness applies to me or you take your time on breaking down my walls and then I'll love you forever and I am nice to those I love and I am sweet when I feel it, innocence unfortuantly left me years ago.
This being said, I can openly admit my niceness is limited to those I truly like, my sweetness is a rare gift and my sarcasm and dry humour can often bite and it normally bites the ones I love. To put it simply I can be a bitch, a real, nasty, stubborn and down right awful bitch. I do know this and sadly I even know when I'm doing this most of the time. it's like another person inhabits my body. It comes out when I'm not getting my way, when I'm not my mothers center of attention, when I'm hungry or over tired, generally this side of me can come out to play at any point.
This being said my poor mother has been taking this personality at full strength this last week. Honestly if I think about Peanut pulling any of it on me, I'd whack him one across the head. I have even stomped my foot in a blow out, like a 4 year old, because she didn't want to do something in her house the way I wanted it to be.
I can blame it on pregnancy, I do blame the stomping of the foot on pregnancy, I'm a bitch not a brat. yesterday I was so awful to her, I really feel bad, here I am taking over her life by being pregnant, single and 23 in her house when she should be celebrating not having to look after child. Despite my awful rampage yesterday, she knows how miserable I am and when I phoned her crying this morning telling her how much I hate my life it didn't matter how I treated her yesterday she just seemed to want me to smile today.
She is leaving work early so we can go for lunch and look for a bed for Peanut and do some retail therapy. Just hearing that calms me and makes my day better and makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. I love my mom more than words can ever say, she is my silver lining on a dark cloudy day.