Friday, August 26, 2011

It hurts

Today it hurts, it really hurts. I look forward to seeing him, I laugh when he's here and I cry for days once he's gone.

Last year this time I was planning my weekends on which parties where the best.

This weekend I'm discussing maintenance and who gets what weekends.

8 Months ago I was allowing myself to fall in love again.

Today I sat across from the father of my child who has chosen to be with someone else.

6 Months ago I gave myself to a man I thought I could trust, he walked away.

Today I was planning our lives together only we are so far apart.

4 Months ago he came back for our child.

Now I have to watch him have another whole family.

Now I feel like his dirty little secret.

Now I have to have him in my life forever.

Today it hurts, it really does. I just want to run away. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to raise a child in this mess. I don't want to share my child with another woman. I don't want to share my child like a piece of furniture with anybody.

I sit and listen to woman moan that there husband or partner don't change enough diapers. Moan that he doesn't take them to the ballet. Moan that he works to much. Moan that he wants sex to much. Moan that he doesn't cook and clean enough.

He is there, he loves you else he wouldn't be. He loves your kids. He works for you. Go to ballet with a friend, he doesn't force you to watch rugby. Have sex it's good for you. Go out for dinner and leave the dishes for tomorrow. You are the luckiest woman around. You got a good one, Prince Charming doesn't exist because which one of us are actually Cinderella.


  1. Sorry chick :(

    It is hard. But you are so right - having come out of a horrid relationship I appreciate the things David does so much and because he feels appreciated he helps more!!

    It will get easier!

  2. Sorry sweetie-pie. I never would have chosen this path for you, but one day you gonna find a man who loves you and Aiden and will be there for both of you. You are way too gorgious to be wasted. And the guy who left, lrft the best two things that could ever have happened to him. Mom

  3. Jess, you know my story. In a way I am 'Aiden' and from the child's perspective I just want to tell you that I am thankful everyday that my mom made sure that I had a relationship with my dad. And sometimes it hurts, and it hurts really bad... but its still better this way.

    So what Im trying to say is that i really admire you for the decision that you have made to ensure that Aiden knows and will have a relationship with his dad. You are setting aside your pain, your anger, your hurt for the sake of your child and there is nothing more noble then that!!

    P.s. I think your blog is great!

  4. BIG ((Hugs)) Jess.
    I feel your hurt and dissapointment in this post. I hope you are feeling a bit better today!

  5. Thanks everyone for all the encouragement. I'm not having an easy time but I am doing better.

    Simone, you made me cry the best sort of tears