The closer it gets and the bigger I get and the more Peanut moves, the more real this all becomes not just for me but for everyone. My mom has realised her grandchild is going to consume her life more than we probably did. I think my dad has a minor heart attack every time he passes the nursery and see's how the house as been rearranged for a tiny person. I think my sister might be freaking out to because she has become distant towards my belly and maybe is feeling a bit of jealousy towards the baby.
For D and I though it's a love like no other, D already knows this feeling as he has 2 girls already but it is his first son and it's hitting home. I can't imagine my life without Peanut already and he isn't even out yet. I can't wait to hold him and meet him, still terrified but the love and bond is undeniable.
With this love comes the realization of all the mistakes we have made along the way and how it's going to effect us and our son. How things could of been different but stupidity and fear changed that. I did warn D in the beginning, I told him he was making a mistake, I told him he was going to regret his decision and now it's hit him that he won't get to watch his son fall asleep or wake up. He'll probably miss his first word and first step. He will have to schedule times to see his son and that it's up to me to decide from how young he can take his son overnight as by law it's only from 2 years.
I have no intention of keeping him from his son and we actually have a great relationship considering the circumstances. We talk on a daily basis and we see each other all the time with no fights and no awkwardness. He's starting to freak out though, he's starting to worry I won't let him take his son and that I'm going to keep him away from him.
This is my world now, I have divided my life into two families. I always knew this but it's seems so real now. I'm tired just thinking about it. I don't think learning how to look after a baby is going to be even close to how hard it is going to be to learn how to balance this crazy world I find myself in.